"Damn, it's not a weekend, and i want to eat all day"
"Why Don't we invent a holiday and give it a stupid name?"
"Fo Shizzle, My Pilgrizzle!"

Frenemy has a family tragedy. "Thoughts and prayers."

Thanksgiving isn't about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part with the maize and the big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where all the bison die and Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.

Ahh thanksgiving, lets give thanks to those indians for letting us screw them wholeheartedly.

Golly! This thanksgiving, Uncle Frank ate 8 pieces of turkey, 4 stuffing balls, 2 helpings of mashed potatoes, half the dish of corn and green beans, AND went back for seconds on his pumpkin pie! No wonder he broke grandma's new dining room chair...

On Halloween:
Turkey 1: Say Joe have you heard the ghost story about "Thanksgiving"?
Turkey 2: No, what happens?
Turkey 1: Every year, on the same day, millions of Turkeys get their heads chopped off and then get eaten!
Turkey 2: Holy cow! Lucky it's just a ghost story.

"Happy Thanksgiving!"
-"Dude, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving."
"Why not?"
-"Why the fuck do you?!"