Jesus freak 

Someone who tries to be both part of an anti-social subculture (see punk for a good example) and a Christian, not realizing that you can't support the ideals used in punk and be a Jesus follower at the same time.

I'm very punk, but I can't have sex, do drugs, or listen to any rock n' roll music that doesn't praise the Lord because I'm a Jesus freak.

Jesus freak by Janis February 6, 2005

Jesus Hole 

1. The hole in Jesus' side or hand when used for sexual pleasure. See crucifuck.
2. Texas Governor Rick Perry's nickname for his Prison Wallet.

Rick Santorum was so horny he was obsessed with getting him some Jesus Hole (a crucifuck). Unfortunately, Jesus had been MIA for 2000 years and Santorum had to go off to the bathhouse for some pussy on a stick. Having left his Mormon Panty Liners at home he left with a Mormon Trail of santorum in his Mormon Underwear.

Jesus Hole by Cuntoleezza Rice August 25, 2011

Jesus Ponies 

Jesus ponies are a joke name for dinosaurs. Many creationists claim that dinosaurs are mentioned in the Bible and that they either existed a few thousand years ago and were wiped out by the flood or that they are still around in remote parts of the world unexplored by Westerners. Sara palin has said she believes in Jesus Ponies

Aww look at the dinosaurs...
Dude those are Jesus Ponies.

Jesus Ponies by A.L.L.People December 2, 2011

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph 

Nikocado Blablablado's catchphrase.

Nikocado: *does something* Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph by rl90599 September 5, 2020

Jesus ring 

n. a ring with the word "JESUS" incribed on it. usually worn on the left ring finger of pious Christian girls to indicate that they are Brides of the Lord.

Skeevo: I think I'll be tap-tap-tapping on that Rindy tonight!
F: I don't think so man, did you notice the Jesus ring on her finger?

Jesus ring by F. Rodderick Hsu May 7, 2005

Jesus Christ in a cardigan sweater 

1. An exclamation used when in pain or shock.

2. The indie Jesus.

1. Guy: "Jesus Christ in a cardigan sweater! That fucking hurt!"

2. Person: "So I ran into Jesus at Urban Outfitters today..."

Jesus Christ in a cardigan sweater by Lunar Escape January 11, 2009

Jesus hugger 

A person, usually a Christian, who's obsessed with JC.

(Obviously they can't really hug the fella, but you're just gettin' this strong vibe from them that if they could, they would, oh they would..)

-"You wanna pop these beers early man?"

-"I can't bro, I gotta go to church with my family"

-"Damn, you don't want to be surrounded by tons of Jesus huggers for a whole hour. Let's get drunk and kill a hobo instead"

-"You're right! What was I thinking?!"

Jesus hugger by GodSexy April 13, 2011