Telephony's definitions

Sonic Z

The opposite of Sonic X -- that is, Sonic the Hedgehog that moves extremely slowly.

{The Sonic X theme song but with torpedoed lyrics}

♪ Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow, gotta stop slow, ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, slower ♪
♪ Movin' at speed of dark (make tracks) ♪
♪ Slowest hedgehog it barks ♪
♪ Got ourselves a situation, stuck in a new location, ♪
♪ Without any explanation, no double relaxation! ♪
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't think, don't stink, ♪
♪ Just stop, stop, stop, stop, s-s-s-s-stop, stop! ♪
♪ Gotta avoid the ♪
♪ Bam Slam Gadget! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's not the hero! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's number zero! ♪
♪ Sonic, he's coming whee!, ♪
♪ So watch out... For Sonic Z! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow (Sonic!), gotta stop slow (Sonic!), ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, slower! ♪
♪ Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! ♪
♪ So... (Sonic) nic... (Sonic) Z, ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slow! ♪
♪ Gotta stop slower, slower, slower, slower, ♪
♪ Sonic Z! ♪ :-)

by Telephony July 8, 2019

ass doilies

Plain and simple: those flushable paper toilet seat covers!

Hey Marge! Can you get an old T-shirt out of the van please? They're out of ass doilies in here!

by Telephony July 22, 2019

spanken

How some people misspell the word, "spanking".

I don't know about you but I'd rather be giving the dog a spanken than having to scrub this nasty-ass toilet with a toothbrush because I thew away the orange juice that mom put in my lunchpail!

by Telephony July 24, 2019

popcycle

Popcycle (pronounced, "/ˈpɑpsɪk(ə)l/")
A surprisingly common misspelling of the word, "Popcicle®", an ice pop on a flat wooden stick manufactured by the Unilever Group of Companies.
Normally only seen in written, typed, or printed material because popcycle is pronounced the same as Popsicle®.

{from an SMS message}: Honey, please swing by the store on your way home and get me a popcycle or two

by Telephony July 31, 2019

butter

butter (buh·tr) v. To shoplift a low-value item such as one or more candy bars, disposable pens, or a boxed set of battery-powered Christmas lights.

{Ricky}: Hey Craig, can you go butter me a couple of Snicker bars and a 3-Muskerteers bar at the Rexall during lunch break?
{Craig}: Sure thing Ricky!
{Craig returns a short while with the stolen articles}: Here ya go Ricky. They were out of 3-Muskerteers so I buttered a couple of packs of M&Ms instead.

by Telephony November 5, 2019

whirling down the shitbowl

Going to pot, going to hell in a handbasket; a way of saying that a situation or a person's condition is deteriorating extremely rapidly.

Mom's mind is whirling down the shitbowl; she always forgets to take her meds, she lies in bed naked all day, she has poopinary and pissinary incontinence, she won't even get up to get a glass of water.

by Telephony May 4, 2019

squeaky

Crying.

{Jerry, watching the Maury show on the telly}: Aww look at Marisol. She still hasn't found the baby daddy. She's so squeaky!!!

by Telephony May 6, 2019