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Monkey's Paw 

A "monkeys paw" is when you're taking a shower and you're out of wash cloths Once you get to washing your ass, you soap up your hand and get down there to clean it all out with that soapy bare hand. You're then left with a clean ass but in return, no matter how much you clean that hand, it feels dirty for the rest of the day.
I cant eat tacos today, I gave myself a Monkey's paw this morning and I forgot which hand it was.
Monkey's Paw by Dandalorian December 15, 2022

Monkey's paw wish 

You wish for, let's say $200. You get it, but you also get a thermonuclear bomb set to explode in 3 seconds at the same time.
Person 1: Mr. White wished for $1000. The next day, his son died in a factory accident and he got $1000 as compensation.

Person 2: That's a monkey's paw wish.

Monkeys Paw

The term used to describe the itchy feeling one gets from a hemorrhoid.
I think that guy has a monkeys paw in his shorts, he sure is squirming around in his seat a lot.
Monkeys Paw by jaz October 28, 2004