microdoft 

Stolen Microsoft Software IE Illegal!

Microdoft Windows 7

microdoft by iknowthisstuff September 21, 2013

Microsoft Excel 

Software created by Microsoft that non-technical people use instead of a database, or cheap companies use as a crappy application studio.

We have 6,000 Microsoft Excel files out there that are exactly identical in reference to the type of data they store. It would be perfect for a database, but we use Excel because the web server we store them on is already paid for by another department and we don't want to pay for a database.

Microsoft Excel VBA applications need to die. You will never get a real programmer to stay around if all you want them to do is build VBA applications with that shit because you are too cheap to buy Visual Studio. This may be why your turnover is so high or your developers lack motivation and ambition to do real work.

My shitty job wants me to program in VBScript and Microsoft Excel VBA. I am looking for a new job because I value my skills and wish to avoid Excel hell.

Microsoft Excel by Nutzen YerMouf March 12, 2018

Microsoft Team Moron 

A person, usually picked by the boss to ride herd over an otherwise productive team and tattle on any members that aren't chanting the party line and ready to slit their own throats for diversity.
They are champions of the "we" concept because they are too stupid to have any thoughts or vision on their own.
They follow management edicts to the letter no matter how stupid. They avoid confrontation and are quick to agree with anyone, but only to their face, they always rat you out to upper management.
In the dictionary under dim-witted user it says: "see them".

willis agreed with John when he told her the new management plan was never going to work, and outlined the problems. Later we found she was named microsoft team moron for ratting him out to upper management and getting him demoted, now no one on the team will discuss anything with her so she's recruited spies withing the team.

Microsoft Team Moron by Stan West April 21, 2005

Microsoft Teams 

The most glitchy app used for distance learning for the COVID-19 Pandemic. Has broken an uncountable amount of students hearts and is guaranteed to not let at least one person in a meeting for every class meeting that exists.

Student- WTF?! I turned in my final but it doesn't show up on Microsoft Teams?!

Teacher- Well I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do about that, I guess it just happens...

Student- Am I going to be able to make this up?

Teacher- Um, no, of course not

Microsoft Teams by MansoM November 5, 2020

Microsoft Word 

a shit piece of tech that ate my FUCKING essay.

Me talking to microsoft word after it ate my fucking essay:"GIVE IT BACK WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?!!?!?!? I FUCKING NEEDED THAT YOU PILE OF HORSE FECES"

Microsoft Word by (ಠ_ಠ) May 27, 2018

My dad Owns Microsoft 

The Signature Phrase for any 11-12 year old in an attempt to try to flex what they don't have. These kids are mostly on xbox and/or minecraft

Man:*Winning against child*
Kid: Your a hacker, my dad owns microsoft

My dad Owns Microsoft by THICCBOU May 16, 2018

Microsoft Minutes 

Times claimed by Microsoft products to complete tasks (installing products, copying files, etc). Swings both ways, can be greatly exaggerated or massively optimistic.

A- "How long till your done with that OS install?"
B- "About 5 minutes"
A- "Is that Microsoft Minutes?"
B- "Yeh"
A- "See you in an hour"

Microsoft Minutes by Dicer April 27, 2006