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Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments
Small plastic trinkets, generally made in China, that are sold nearly year-round in Hallmark stores across America. These items are almost completely worthless, though many insist that they are extremely collectible. Though generally cheaply made, these ornaments have the power to cast a spell over those who buy them, often resulting in customers spending well over $600 to own each and every one (and then ending up storing them in an attic because NO ONE has enough room to hang them all). To perpetuate this madness, Hallmark executives formed a Keepsake Ornament Collector's Club, which has a surprisingly large number of members. For the low, low price of $25, members can choose two inherently ugly "club exclusive" ornaments and receive their very own paper membership cards. Then they have the option of buying other "club exclusive" ornaments that are sure to have great value to other rabid collectors in the future. Of course, what the executives do not want the public to know is that any "club exclusive" ornaments not sold by Christmas will be available to the general public.
Keepsake Ornaments are released every year in early July (at a sickening event known as "Ornament Premiere"), and remain up until well after Christmas. Hardcore collectors can start ordering them in early June, when the ornament catalogue (inappropriately titled the "Dreambook") becomes available in Hallmark stores. Sane people, of course, have learned to avoid the ornament premiere, thus sparing themselves from seeing the disturbing sight of a poor college student sweating in a Christmas sweater and passing out Christmas cookies when everyone else in the store is walking around in shorts and tank tops.
Keepsake Ornaments are released every year in early July (at a sickening event known as "Ornament Premiere"), and remain up until well after Christmas. Hardcore collectors can start ordering them in early June, when the ornament catalogue (inappropriately titled the "Dreambook") becomes available in Hallmark stores. Sane people, of course, have learned to avoid the ornament premiere, thus sparing themselves from seeing the disturbing sight of a poor college student sweating in a Christmas sweater and passing out Christmas cookies when everyone else in the store is walking around in shorts and tank tops.
Customer one: "I've been waiting for the Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments to come out all year!"
Customer two: "Oh yeah? Which ones did you get?"
Customer one: "ALL OF THEM!!"
Customer two: "All of them?! How much did that cost you?!"
Customer one: "Only, like, $800. That's WAY less than last year!"
Customer two: *passes out*
Customer two: "Oh yeah? Which ones did you get?"
Customer one: "ALL OF THEM!!"
Customer two: "All of them?! How much did that cost you?!"
Customer one: "Only, like, $800. That's WAY less than last year!"
Customer two: *passes out*
Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments by taekwondoangel1 July 19, 2009
keepsnake
a keepsnake refers to a person who is of low intellectual, moral, and social standards, and is willing to go to any length to become recognized, acknowledged, or validated.
Usually very loyal to the person giving the orders, and can be venomous, injurious, and evil to their intended target.
Michael Cohen was a keepsnake for Donald Trump
Usually very loyal to the person giving the orders, and can be venomous, injurious, and evil to their intended target.
Michael Cohen was a keepsnake for Donald Trump
Hey man, what about that guy who stole your car?
Well I guess I'm just going to have to send my keepsnake, Larry Low-crawl over to rattle his cage a little!
Well I guess I'm just going to have to send my keepsnake, Larry Low-crawl over to rattle his cage a little!
keepsnake by Dr. Spankenstein November 13, 2019
More from Urban Dictionary
Bunhead
A girl who does ballet and only talks about ballet. Her schedule is filled with dance classes which does not allow her to do any other activity.
trucker's tan
A sunburn or suntan focused on the left arm. It is caused by the left side of the body being the only half that gets exposed to sunlight while driving. Presumably, it would be located on the right side of the body in countries where they drive on the left side of the road.
trucker's tan by population361 May 30, 2006
Word of the Day on October 5, 2026
kidulting
Every time I walk into the toy aisle, I catch myself kidulting over the latest action figures and LEGO sets!
kidulting by Emotional Cruiser October 12, 2025
Word of the Day on October 4, 2026
Boffin
British slang for a scientist or technical expert, esp . when the speaker is not certain of the expert’s specific field of study. Not necessarily derogatory, but typically used by persons without a technical background. In the US, the equivalent would be “egghead”, “squint”, or “geek.”
Origin of the word is unknown. Started sometime in World War 2. Given the typical evolution of British slang, could easily have started because what these experts did was confusing or “baffling” to the common person.
Origin of the word is unknown. Started sometime in World War 2. Given the typical evolution of British slang, could easily have started because what these experts did was confusing or “baffling” to the common person.
Pee Calculus
When you have to pee in a movie but don’t want to miss anything, and must do the following mental equation: will the amount I have to pee cause enough discomfort to diminish my attention capacity for the remainder of the movie to an extent which is greater than the amount of the movie I would miss by making a mad dash to the restroom.
Pee Calculus by anorlondo October 1, 2026
Word of the Day on October 2, 2026