Flower metal
Flower metal is a term of ridicule applied to power metal. Since power metal itself can cover a broad range of styles, from Manowar's aggressive and loud war anthems to Power Quest's keyboard-saturated melodies, flower metal can be used to specify metal such as the latter.
Flower metal's label can extend well into progressive metal territory.
The term shares some characteristics with flowery language, such as being characteristically over the top and pompous. Other allusions made by the term include the statistically significant number of modern-day hippies which comprise the music's performers and audience, the often bright and colourful images portrayed by the lyrics and tone (although this is certainly not universal) and the delicacy of the compositions, which often interleave and overlap many different instruments and effects like petals, sometimes even whole orchestras.
The term, from an opposite-to-deflowered perspective, may also refer to the vocalists, who's vocal ranges often go as high as prepubescent boys' and young girls' (as well as being high due to the hippy nature of the material).
Seen from a mathematical perpective, the flower content of a song is proportional the the factorial of the product of the frequency of the vocals f, the song length l, the order of complexity O of the percussion, the standard deviation w of the instruments from those of the average metal band, the exponential of the ridiculousness r of the subject matter and the number of solos s. This relationship is expressed in the song's Kai factor where:
K = (flOwe^rs)!
To obtain the complete floweryness of a song also requires knowing the vocal noise level n, the year in which the lyrics are set y, the number of issues the song attempts to preach p and the total number of instruments used I. This gives an overall flower value:
F(song) = (pIK*cosh(y - present_year))/n
Flower metal can be mixed with water to produce Flower oxide, which can then be baked into Oxybread. Consuming this makes one an oxymoron, requiring a steady dose of antioxidants to become a moron. Morons can be annihilated by their antiparticle the lesson.
IMPORTANT: Flower metal is not to be confused with Fhigher metal!
Flower metal's label can extend well into progressive metal territory.
The term shares some characteristics with flowery language, such as being characteristically over the top and pompous. Other allusions made by the term include the statistically significant number of modern-day hippies which comprise the music's performers and audience, the often bright and colourful images portrayed by the lyrics and tone (although this is certainly not universal) and the delicacy of the compositions, which often interleave and overlap many different instruments and effects like petals, sometimes even whole orchestras.
The term, from an opposite-to-deflowered perspective, may also refer to the vocalists, who's vocal ranges often go as high as prepubescent boys' and young girls' (as well as being high due to the hippy nature of the material).
Seen from a mathematical perpective, the flower content of a song is proportional the the factorial of the product of the frequency of the vocals f, the song length l, the order of complexity O of the percussion, the standard deviation w of the instruments from those of the average metal band, the exponential of the ridiculousness r of the subject matter and the number of solos s. This relationship is expressed in the song's Kai factor where:
K = (flOwe^rs)!
To obtain the complete floweryness of a song also requires knowing the vocal noise level n, the year in which the lyrics are set y, the number of issues the song attempts to preach p and the total number of instruments used I. This gives an overall flower value:
F(song) = (pIK*cosh(y - present_year))/n
Flower metal can be mixed with water to produce Flower oxide, which can then be baked into Oxybread. Consuming this makes one an oxymoron, requiring a steady dose of antioxidants to become a moron. Morons can be annihilated by their antiparticle the lesson.
IMPORTANT: Flower metal is not to be confused with Fhigher metal!
Alice has her flower metal playing again, I can hear the digeridoos from here.
I am sorry, your song does not contain enough dragons and/or robots to be labelled flower metal.
Look at that hippy with his long hair, his guide to Bash and his flower metal.
I am sorry, your song does not contain enough dragons and/or robots to be labelled flower metal.
Look at that hippy with his long hair, his guide to Bash and his flower metal.
Flower metal by ChrisWarbo October 21, 2008
