FEMALE MASTUBATION is when a woman touchs her clit, inserts her finger in her vagina,inserts a vibraitor etc. to climax (aka Orgasm).
To stimulate one's own genitals for sexual pleasure.
Jake: Gee whiz! I hope Santa Claus comes tonight!
Andrew: Shut the fuck up. You know that he's as real as a female masturbating.
Jake: But female masturbation is a myth
Andrew: Exactly.
The hypothetical man (often a sinistercharacter who decided not to go to boot camp) that is doing your girlfriend/wife while you are on deployment overseas.
Ain't no use in goin home,
Jody's got your girl and gone.
Ain't no use in goin back,
Jody's got your Cadillac,
Ain't no use in feeling blue,
Jody's took your checkbook too.