Calendars 

Useless pieces of paper. Whoever buys them shouldn't. Just get a digital watch.
Also, they're supposed to tell you the date. You should already know the date.
Never buy them. They are a waste of money.

Calendars are bad.

Calendars by Shroomdom January 7, 2020

The Calendar Option 

A technique of temporarily “saving face” with colleagues, bosses, customers, and auditors by changing every calendar and clock in a particular workplace in an effort to cover up a missed deadline. “The Calendar Option” is the “Nuclear Option” of work place fault misdirection. “The Calendar Option” should only be used when the monumental task of changing dozens of calendars, clocks, and watches pales in comparison to actually completing ones assigned task on time. Hacking of local computer and cellular networks is usually preferred, as these sources represent the primary ways of determining dates and times. “The Calendar Option” will buy you enough time to prepare a resume, write a cover page, and apply for other jobs in the timespan prior to your superiors realizing you’ve elegantly gamed them to death. Worried about future employment? Don’t! One who can successfully employ “The Calendar Option” is often far under-employed anyway. This fact is clearly demonstrated as the time, energy, intelligence and sheer skill required to pull off the maneuver could be accomplished by no less than an American, tier 1, Special Forces operator who is also a Ninja.

Are you late? Can’t blame a colleague? Can’t blame your computer? Can’t blame the weather? Don’t even bother! Just employ “The Calendar Option” and you won’t need to blame a thing because the calendar and clocks say “you’re not late!”

late nuclear option option ninja bad employee blame

The Calendar Option by Darren Besert January 21, 2016

Calendar Shopping 

Those times when you buy a new Calander before New Years. This is usually done a day or two after Christmas.

Person 1: Hey lets go Calendar Shopping. I need to get a new Calander before New Years.

Person 2: Aight. I'm gonna get me one of those FHM calandars.

Calendar Shopping by Dancing with Fire December 29, 2010

calendar dump 

When you ring in the New Year on the toilet with one final dump, cleansing yourself from the old and welcoming the new. Starts on December 31st shortly before midnight.

The ball drops in 10 minutes..I've still got time to squeeze out a calendar dump.

calendar dump by C-Lo Brown May 4, 2017

NNN Calendar 

The NNN Calendar is a calendar revolving around NNN.

-Jizz January
-No Finger February
-Massive Masturbate March
-Ass Eating April
-Gay May
-Make It Jelly June
-Even More Jizz July
-Mass Ass August
-Semen Shooter September
-Orgi October
-No Nut November
-Destroy Dick December

"Are you attempting the NNN Calendar"

"Heck Yeah, my dick is going to suffer so much"

NNN Calendar by SpikeyFluffBall November 7, 2019

calentard

someone who has an inordinate amount of trouble scheduling, accepting and attending meetings (especially through Outlook)

"Sorry I'm such a calentard -- I swear that meeting fell off of my calendar. Again. Can you forward it to me?"

calentard by kdubs94304 October 7, 2009