Survival of the Retards
A situation where you dump two of your best friends who are usually dumb as fuck and causing trouble in your life or the lives of your other friends in the middle of nowhere. In order for this to work, fake a road trip and invite your two dumbass friends with you alongside another friend. Once the four of you are together, drive out to an isolated area whether it be the woods or a desert. Park on the side of the road and order your two idiot friends out of the car. Once they exit throw a few chewy bars and four drinks to them so that they don’t die out in the open. Proceed to say something along the lines of “Sayonara retards!”, then speed off, leaving your two friends stranded in the middle of nowhere with no way back to civilization unless a car happens to speed by and the two douchebags hitchhike. Leave the friends there for eight to ten hours. Once time is up, drive back to where you last left them. Be aware that they might have walked far enough so you have to call them or text them. If they don’t reply, that’s when you know you fucked up and they are missing (fortunately). If they do reply, tell them to meet up here or there and then pick them up. Once they get in the car and start bitching to you for abandoning them, make threats that you may actually carry out to get them to shut the fuck up. Then drive them to their homes. This technique works with a lot of people and has spared them of all the future issues those two losers will cause.
Noel and Steve left Drake and Ted out in the Sonoran Desert for the rest of the day. It was survival of the retards for those two unfortunates.
Survival of the Retards by IAmTheOneWhoShits December 21, 2024