A white middle or upper-middle class woman in her mid-20's to mid-40's with the following characteristics:

1. Her children usually have names like Zachary, Tyler, Kaitlin, Hannah, Hailey, or Dylan
2. Husband is a rather bland person that works as a family practice doctor, attorney, computers, selling pharmaceuticals, or other office drone.
3. Her children are always enrolled in at least 2 activities such as ballet, hockey, skiing, softball, and of course, soccer.
4. Favorite hobbies that don't involve her kids usually include drinking Starbucks, shopping at Kohl's or Old Navy, or gossiping with friends
5. Favorite restaurants are usually Chik-Fil- A, Taco Bell, Red Robin, and Chili's
6. Religious preference is usually Southern Baptist or Nondenominational Megachurch
7. They live primarily in California, Texas, Florida, Atlanta, D.C., Colorado, or Arizona suburbs
8. Vehicles driven are usually mid or large SUV's, Suburban's, or hatchbacks
9. Her children are either home schooled or attend a private or charter school
10. Her children are not allowed to watch PG-13 or R-rated movies, play any video games not rated E, play outside unattended, browse the internet without parental controls, or have contact with any adults outside of family, teachers, or coaches
by waspcoloredstain June 13, 2013
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Usually rich or upper middle class white women. Married to husbands that have no role in raising their children and leave that to them. They tend to drive mini vans or large SUVS. They have no other role then to drive kids to private school, soccer practice, violen lessons, drama class, yoga for kids, summer camp and the mall. They can be easily spoted with the "my kid is honor student" bumper sticker and four kids jumping around. Mother is always on the cell phone and in the process cuts people off.

They are loud and annoying at games because they think they know more than the coach.
Soccer Mom - Why isn't my little Kevin playing?

Coach - Because your kid sucks at soccer

Soccer Mom - Kevin is going to be the next David Beckham, you just watch.

Coach - Whatever bitch, step off of the field.
by glum68 August 12, 2008
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White, middle-class, middle-aged female. Hair pulled through the back of the baseball cap, into a ponytail. Usually seen "driving" a very large SUV. Also seen at stop signs staring aimlessly with their mouth open waiting for an open spot in traffic. Usually doesn't find one, so they pull out in traffic hoping to make their own spot. Thus causing an accident, which is paid for by their husbands income. Seen as an active parent at school. However, they never talk to their children because they have a cell phone blocking their ear, that they constantly scream into. Participating in booster clubs, PTA, church organizations. Ironically, you can find them cursing at the cashier because he couldn't return their curtains that they bought over a year ago, but never found time in their oh-so-busy lives to put up. All of this is usually done in front of their 'christian' children, who are going to grow even more mindless than their role model of a mother. Occasionally they go in flocks to the nearest mall, and trash every department they step into, throwing shoes on the ground, leaving once-hung items lying on the floor. Sometimes you see them running for the nearest open register, and fighting with the women that casualy strolls in front of her, explaining that she was there first, and doesn't have time to waste. She has to drive her one or two children away in an SUV that comfortably seats 8, so they don't miss their sports practice, or dance recital. Inflating gas prices mean nothing to these women and their gas hungry SUVs, because they haven't paid for anything with their own money since they married the father, who gets drunk twice a day, and comes home late into the evening. Lastly, these soccer mom's only answer to "homemaker"
A soccer mom is the lady you've seen on the side of the road yelling into her cell phone, standing next to an SUV with a flat tire. Don't offer help, she'll never appreciate it.
by Chriswizzle May 24, 2006
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Annoying bitch who stays at home to clean. She picks up here kids at school every day to lug them of to some kind of sports practice. She uses the v-chip,ESRB, and movie ratings as a tool to make sure her kids don't hear any "language" or see any violence. Internet is a "no-no" other than going on kiddie learning games websites for 30 minutes a day. If someone says "an inappropriate word" near her kids while she is with them, she will quickly cover their ears. She usually drives an SUV with a bumper sticker like "My Child is an Honor Student at ________ Elementary School", but no one cares if your little bitch of a child is an honor student. She only let's her kids listen to Oldies music or Christian "Family" Music. She makes sure to drive real slow as she wants to protect her precious angels who still sit in a carseat at age 9. bHer husband is usually a doctor, realtor, or some other money-making job.
Soccer Moms need to seriously tone down the "family" thing.
by rapsux March 16, 2005
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A Soccer Mom is a 35-40 year old women generally found in an affluent suburb of a medium to large size metropolitan area. They come from white (not Asian, Latin, or European) American families who decided long ago that marrying into another race was just not for them. They are always upper middle class, as in they are to rich to work, but to poor to belong to an exclusive country club, or hire a nanny for their fucking annoying kids. Due to this financial dilemma, soccer moms generally find that there really isn't a set goal in their lives for them to achieve, therefore they devote themselves to the complete manipulation of their kids lives.

Their Kids - Generally average looking kids who are taught to from birth to believe that they are mommy's little baby, and in no way in hell can they ever do anything wrong. They are avid members of their sunday school, where they learn to memorize the entire new testament. At school, they are always extremely polite to their teachers, and love to share with their classmates.

As they get older however, they start to change. The boys realize once they hit high school, that their moms are the reason they haven't gotten laid, and generally develop a pattern of smoking excessive weed, drinking, and downloading unheard of amounts of porn. Due to this the soccer mom usually casts her son aside, and look to her angel daughter - usually named Kaitlyn. The daughter and mother unlike the son, develop a stronger relationship, in which the soccer mom attempts to become her daughters 'best friend'. They go shopping together, talk about all the cute guys in the daughters school, and all the drama that is taking place between the daughter, and her ditsy little friends - all named Jill. This relationship continues until the soccer mom comes home after a tiresome PTA meeting, and finds her daughter getting railed by some football player named Michael.. At this point, the soccer mom realizes that her little baby is growing up, and they start to develop a similar, but more disgusting mature relationship.

The Husband - Generally a tall, handsome guy who drives a silver 4 door Honda. They happen to work in a cubicle on the 31st floor of a high rise corporate building, filing insurance papers or something along those lines. They dress everyday in a fairly cheap suite when they go to work, and at home they are found to be sporting the latest attire from the Nike Golf lineup. Always they are found to have some boyish hobby that the soccer mom considers cute, like collecting limited edition football cards, or vintage 1950's records. Unknown to the wife(soccer mom) they secretly hate their life as they never aspired to their dream of being a professional sailing instructor, and in turn, arrive home late from work 3 nights a week after fucking their secretaries.

This concludes the life of a soccer mom. Take caution when driving through suburban neighborhoods, vacationing in Florida, or during November elections (if you're not voting for Hillary - god bless) as you just might be caught, and told that you're the reason America is going to the dogs.
While on vacation in Florida, Soccer Mom Susan cries out in grief that she forgot to reschedule that months PTA party "High Fives for Hillary." - Fucking Bitch.
by dontbeasoccermom April 16, 2008
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A white upper middle or upper-class bitch in her mid 30's to late 40's. She can usually be seen loading her "precious little angles" into her massive, fuel burning SUV, to take them to soccer, or some other sport. She lives in a very large house in the suburbs with her 3 kids and her husband. Her husband is never home, he usually has some sort of corporate job, and he's having sex with the secretary. A Soccer Mom often causes road accidents because she drives at a "safe" 45 mph on highways where the speed limit is 70 mph. The accident is then paid for by her husband. The Soccer Mom always tells her kids shit like they are better than everyone else in their school, that they deserve more than everyone else, and that they are the most "talented" people in the world. This usually results in her kids being extremely full of themselves, because not only does the Soccer Mom encourage her kids to be snotty bitches who think they're better than everyone else, but they also participate in highly competitive sports. This makes her kids bratty, super competitive, obnoxious bitches. The Soccer Mom usually censors everything she doesn't feel is "appropriate" for her "perfect kids."

This includes:

- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet

- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.

- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music

- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.

Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You fucking bitch! Why the fuck were you going on fucking 45 mph on a fucking highway for you stupid bitchy cunt!
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
by X_x X_x June 17, 2009
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"Soccer Mom" is a term made up during the election year 1996 to describe a white surburban homemaker wife who thinks that anything that is not explicitly Fundamentalist "Christian" is bad for her rotten little shits she calls her kids. She drives a bigass gas-guzzling SUV, tries to push her views on morality on everyone else, and goes shopping all the fucking time when she ain't taking her brats to soccer or piano practice or some other fucking stupid shit because she lives off her husband's wages. She gives money to a political party and tries to influence them to her standards. She's involved in PTA, the church "clique", you name it - she is influential and pushy in them all. In other words, an all-American stuck-up conforming judgmental BITCH.
Tipper Gore. Her kids got into drugs. I wonder why? Another example is the women who watch shit on the TV like that overblown yuppie Tupperware party that is called the View. On Sunday morning a Soccer Mom drops her daughter off to Sunday school, who then runs off with the cute boy in her class and they listen to a CD of "Satanic" music by U2, Pink Floyd, Rush or Ziggy Marley, then they smoke some Panama red and get it on in the grass.
by I Saw U2 Live Twice June 16, 2006
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