When a ladie is giving you "head", before you get off, tell her you have crabs and when she backs her head up and widens her eyes, you blow your load in her eye so she looks like those pictures of sad clowns
John: Dude you should have been at the party last night
When you fail at something in life (eg. failing an exam or not getting a job), go home and spend an hour just standing in the shower, propping yourself up against the wall with your eyes on your feet.
Caleb knew the only thing to do after he didnt get prefect was take a failure shower.