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Runs out like tap water 

A phrase reserved for pool players, it essentially means a player is able to get out (pocket all his balls) most or all of the time. Following this, you turn over all of your cash to him.
Damn, that dude can flat play! He runs out like tap water!

tap that like a maple tree 

the term "tap that like a maple tree" means that you want to "tap that" (slap that, touch that, get that...etc) as you would tap a maple tree for syrup (goodness). used to express desire towards a person, place, thing, goat...etc.
((an attractive person walks by))

you say to yourself, your friend, or the lonely-looking street cone, "damn, i wanna tap that like a maple tree!!"

That tap is like a Eunuch's cock

Expression used by bar staff to describe a a beer tap for a product that is no longer in stock and has been so for an extended period. Generally the product in question will never be stocked again so it is only due to the idiotcy of management that the tap remains in place.
Customer: I'll have a pint of Becks.
Exasperated barman: Sorry but we've no Becks on draught.
Customer: But there's a tap there.
Increasingly irate barman: That tap is like a Eunuch's cock. I can pull at it all day and nothing's going to comeout.

Slap that shit on like Flex Tape

To like something so much that you use or eat it all the time.
"Yea man I love strawberries so much I slap that shit on like flex tape."