Halculator

A term used to describe the giant complicated graphing calculators of yesteryear. They are often discontinued and are loaned out for you to use for the day by your public school math teachers.

This is a meme in reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey, comparing the calculator to that of HAL 9000, the giant supercomputer around which the series revolves. Hence, you have HAL + calculator equaling HALculator.

Mrs. D loaned Marc an enormous TI-82 out of her class set of +10 year-old calculators for use on the Algebra 2 final. "Mrs. D, what is this, A Space Odyssey?" said Marc. "How am I supposed to work this Halculator?"

Halculator by Marc P. June 11, 2006

Congressional Calculator 

The Congressional Calculator is much like Obamanomics, it's calculations that don't add up in the real world yet people buy into strictly based on the source of the info. The Congressional Calculator is used anytime things don't quite add up but fits the agenda du jour. It's like adding 2+2 and getting minus 4 billion.

"Great news! Government Healthcare just passed which should decrease the deficit by about 2 Trillion!!" "ah, I love the Congressional Calculator, I'm gonna go buy a new 'vette."

Congressional Calculator by dirtykurty September 8, 2010

Sicilian calculator

Slang for a gun. Usually a shotgun. Calculator because it only subtracts.

Tony found out that John was an FBI informant, so he paid him a visit with his Sicilian calculator.

Sicilian calculator by blackrazr November 2, 2006

Calculator 

My brain, my every ounce of being human

Guy 1: Have you seen my brain?

Guy 2: what? you lost your brain?

Guy 1: yeah, it is green and had buttons on it, oh yeah it say "Texas Instruments" on the front.

Guy 2: dude, that's a calculator

Guy 1: I DON'T CARE JUST FIND IT

Calculator by Who The Douce Are You? April 12, 2005

calculator monkey 

Stereotypically, any Asian that is amazing at any math and/or math concepts and that can compute all of these concepts without the use of the calculator. These are typically the Asians that succeed in any classes having to do with math or science with little to no work being done as it just comes naturally to them based on their genetics in these subjects. Also, you use them to help you receive good grades in classes and help them by making friends they wouldn't normally have.

Person 1: "Hey man, did you get the answer to #5, the algebraic equation?"
Person 2: "Yea, Min got the answer for me in like 10 seconds. That kid is a calculator monkey if I've ever seen one before."
Person 1: "He definitely is!"

calculator monkey by Paceyourself February 7, 2014

Young Calculator 

The highest status that a human can earn. A young calculator is highly respected anywhere they go.

That khed is an absolute young calculator

Young Calculator by HitYourShots April 18, 2018

I need a calculator 

An office phrase roughly translated to "I need a bailout or rescue." Something awful is happening to the person who has given you this message, and it's your responsibility to bail them out. Situations in which this phrase is appropriate:

- An office camper has left the original intended topic for some light-hearted small talk about his child you hate
- An office camper with horrid breath has pinned you
- You're in a meeting that's so boring you will have to snort coke off a stripper's chesticles to balance your life back in the right direction

The message generally arrives in the form of text or instant message. When the situation is dire, email may be used. The appropriate response is generally to come up with technical nonsense to ask this person then either call or visit to bail them out.

Office Camper: "Enough about linux, did you know my child is an honor's student? She's taking all AP classes in the Spring. God we're so proud of her ... "
Jim (Victim) text messages Vince (Savior) "I need a calculator" to avoid nosy eyes understanding this dire message.
Office Camper: "She even taught some of the other children in the class how to use it! Can you believe that? Even the teacher was impressed"
Savior: "Hey Jim! Listen I need some help with linux..."
Office Camper: "Oh well I can see you're busy"

I need a calculator by Fatty Tatterson September 10, 2009