French Pinecone

The act of combining the actions of The French Victory and the Pinecone Plunge. The primary objective is to add an extra layer of difficulty, personal humiliation, reputational gain, and physical pain and harm to the actions required in the French Victory.

Step 1. Shove a pinecone up your ass, with every subsequent deciduous seed pod adding an extra scoring bracket to the distance covered by the French Victory.

Step 2. Find a suitable romantic partner. The ideal is to locate one that is a sufficient distance to your own residence, such that it is easy to cover a large amount of ground while running backward.

Step 3. Initiate the actions of the French Victory, while maintaining all of the pinecones in your rectum.

Step 4. Have an acquaintance track your speed and distance.
Step 5. Congratulations! You have completed a round of the French Pinecone! Submit your score in the form of a wordy, lengthy, incredibly detailed of your experience as a message attached to any donation to your political representatives!

Steve: "Hey did you hear? Last night at the party, Craig did three vials of ket, drank an old 4Loko someone had, and ran two whole bouts of the French Pinecone on BOTH of David's sisters!"
Nathan: "How the fuck is he still alive?"
Steve: "Oh he's actually not, the funeral is two weeks from now."

by njganjgnijadf April 6, 2022