Food Converter 

A sub species of Fobbit that has either actively pursued or passively accepted her or his jobless lot on the FOB (Forward Operating Base). Under-employed and overly bored this particularly sorry creature has accepted and come to embrace the one job they have left, converting food into excrement. These ample wastes of space wander about the FOB aimlessly during their evenings and weekends off, dressed only in PTs (Physical Training Uniforms) and driven solely by their quest to collect a pay check without giving anything in return. This sad sack of a soldier zealously protects all time they have off by closing early and strongly discouraging any productive soldiers that enter their work areas seeking help 20-30 minutes prior to 1500. They are so consumed with their "Office Space" dreams of doing nothing, that they will purposefully screw other soldiers for the preservation of any and all time off. Once these creatures do get their time off, they dwell in their CHUs (Containerized Housing Units) or scour the FOB, as if driven by guilt, seeking places to consume food they must purchase with their ill gotten gains, rather than converting the abundant free food provided for them. These welfare soldiers bring nothing to the fight, horde all resources and HMMWV (Highly Mobile Multi Wheeled Vehicle) armor upgrades and openly mock their brothers and sisters in uniform who serve outside the wire. They come in all ranks and sexes and typically have no concept of what smaller FOBs are like, or that there is actually a war going on outside of the concrete walls that shield them. Most of these creatures are the victims of the rampant mismanagement of piss poor officers while the rest are consumed wholly in self. For the latter there can be no redemption.

The food converters over at the JAG office on LSA Anaconda won’t help me today because it’s Saturday and they have weekends off.

Food Converter by CPT Daniel Insano December 14, 2006