Irreparable damage to human skin/cellular DNA caused during the era of radical climate change beginning in 1991.
{A progressive term used to characterize the harmful, mutative and disabling effects of global warming on human tissue, wherein hyper-radioactive, electro magnetic waves bombard, eviscerate, and, over extended periods of time, 'incinerate' layers of 'dermis' (skin). The presence of pathology is detectable when cellular membranes become necrotically cauterized, inducing an incurable, desmoplastic form of melanoma. The evidentiary revelation of the Dermal Incineration Event, or D.I.E., (beginning in 1991) was introduced by 'Al Gore Research Institute' scientists; Dr. Johnson Cooks, Professor Patty Meltingood and Dr. Kevin Michael Damone of Ridgemont.}
1. Many of our neighbors were recently diagnosed with skin cancer as a consequence of the "Dermal Incineration Event."
2. Dr. Kevin Michael Damone gave twoEarth Wind and Fire tickets to Charles Jefferson and his brother, then, 9 years later, published his introspective, proprietary, sealed thesis regarding the effects of the "Dermal Incineration Event (D.I.E.)" on the human condition after comparing conclusive data from three prominent subjects, Stacey, Linda and Mark Ratnor, while listening to side 1 of Led Zeppelin IV.
The Random Chimp Event is the name for the monkey uprising. Humans evolved from monkeys, this was a mistake, humans evolved past monkeys, leaving them behind, the monkeys didn't forget this, and they are preparing. There is not a lot known about the specifics of the Random Chimp Event, the only things that are known are that it could happen at any point in time and that once it has started there is no stopping it, the monkeys will destroy everything in their path. There are a select, intelligent, few who will rejoice at the Random Chimp Event, knowing that the only way for humanity to survive is to return to monke.
Person 1: *hears the distant, ecstatic screams of monkeys* What is that?
Person 2: It's started.
Person 1: What has?
Person 2: *A single tear wells up in their eye and rolls down their face, it's hard to decern whether it is a tear of joy or sadness, the expression on their face makes it seem like both, they are happy because society will return to the glory of what it used to be, but they are sad that they must die to achieve this utopia but they are willing to because they know it is for the betterment of monkeykind* The Random Chimp Event.