People who pretend they love you; badmouth you to those close to you behind your back; ruin your life whilst apologising for doing so; keep saying they want to break up but refusing to leave when you try to get them to. Synonyms: Bjorn Peter Alan; Russell
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.