"It would be most appreciated if you could combine your enjoyment of fornication for pleasurable self gratification with your abilities to relocate yourself to a position outside of our current locale, with a view to us refraining from further direct contact."
The sense of almost boyish enthusiasm that comes over middle aged men when pursuing a hobby that requires expensive stuff and leaves non-hobbyists scratching their heads to figure out why it's so damned important. (Derived from Roy Campanella's observation about baseball: "You got to have a lot of little boy in you to play this game.")