The University of Brighton,
better known by its official name, Brighton Polytechnic.
Established sometime in the
60's as a place for dropouts from inferior schools to attend, in order to keep them off the streets. The institution has continued this proud tradition through to this day, offering courses in sleeping, incest and media studies, all worthwhile subjects for a life guaranteed to be funded by state
welfare.
Around East Sussex and Brighton, it is well known as being the establishment to which people not quite smart enough to make it into Sussex University go. It is generally full of people who are so
boring to talk to, that people have been known to pass out
mid-interlocution.
Brighton Poly students are also known for their permanently high alcohol content, proficiency at activities that involve bouncing various kind of
ball, and the universal ability to
skin a
reefer in under 30seconds.
The entry requirements to the academic world of Brighton Poly are notoriously low. Applicants are not required to have A levels, in part because many of the students are not aware of the existence of letters. Applicants merely have to demonstrate that they do not
drag their knuckles as they perform locomotive tasks, and proficiency with a
cigarette lighter is guaranteed to secure entry.
All three of the Brighton Poly sites are located in the dodgiest parts of Brighton and Eastbourne, just where they belong.
"They're just a polytechnic" sung by
Sussex Uni students at the back of the bus 25 to taunt Brighton
University Students, in the style of the
Football chant.
