Briarcliffe College in Patchogue 

The dryest college in the county. If you'd like to burn away your money on tuition, this is the place. It's a very cold place with computers that are slow, printers that don't work, and the cafeteria is seperated by three gangs; Business, Graphic Design, and those kids that play kid card games. There's always that awkward moment where noobs of the college take your spot on the couch in the cafe, and they also ask how to turn on their computer. They kick you if you have a weak immune system against disease. Also known as Byer-cliffe. Plus, they have AIDS. Not the good kind. The bad kind. You can't take out any books from the library. There's also an IT guy named Joe who is probably the best staff person you'll meet. They have Canadian-Georgia teachers who know that it's a good thing for small favors. If you're coming in, you better have an ID. You may sprite yourself. They have professors with life long lessons to teach you. Summer semesters are killer when you have 16 weeks of work in 7 weeks. They have professors with Nigerian accents. Briarcliffe has almost never seen an asian or a Snow Day. Do you have off on Election Day? They don't. They don't ever have off until Thanksgiving or Christmas, and Christmas is because the semester ends before it. Welcome to the world of Briarcliffe.

Mike: Hey, don't you go to Briarcliffe College in Patchogue?
Nick: That depends. Did you see me sprite myself?
Mike: Yes?
Nick: Am I shivering cold in my jacket?
Mike: Yes?
Nick: Yes, I am from Briarcliffe.

Briarcliffe College in Patchogue by The Fucking Road November 10, 2011