Barn Elves 

A person you might see at the dollar store or Walmart, barefooted, in their pajamas, and hair a mess, looking as if they just rolled out of the barn after sleeping for 15 hours. Usually wearing a stupefied look on their face while walking/scooting around scratching and cussing in the middle of every isle with their entire family. They are usually heavily overweight from little to no physical activity and consuming huge quantities of packaged sweets and sodas purchased with their government food stamp card. They have a tendency to call everyone stupid and usually graduate to driving scooters at "the Walmarts" when they get tired of walking around age 30, but have no trouble walking to their cars and getting around in the dollar store. Can usually produce 8-12 offspring with different men during their lifespan.

Every time I try to go down the ice cream isle at Walmart I am blocked by a convoy of barn elves on handicap scooters who give rise to the thought that "Idiocracy" wasn't just a movie.

Barn Elves by Faux Fu Chu September 13, 2016