Every thirty days, The Amish (and Mennonite) men/boys and women/girls (if you’re them/theys, you’re shit outta luck) — they separate into two groups, pair off, and with homemade soap and well water, lather up each others’ private areas. The men go first; then the bucket (or trough) is passed to the women, and they do the best they can. Waste not, want not, Hezekiah and “Bath”-sheba .
Sodom Dettweiler: “Can you help me pass the sudsy trough and 350-year-old squeegee from the Old Country to Zipporah Diegenderfer? She wants to go first in the proud tradition of Amish worsh-up.
Carthage McFartface: “Hay Detwheeler, remembur yu got Phoebe Braunschweiger pregnant last munth.”
Sodom: “Oh right! Maybe I should go on my Rumspringa….Darn dagnabbit cheese n rice I don’t need another trip to the coat hanger maker.”
Carthage: “Damn straight.”
Carthage McFartface: “Hay Detwheeler, remembur yu got Phoebe Braunschweiger pregnant last munth.”
Sodom: “Oh right! Maybe I should go on my Rumspringa….Darn dagnabbit cheese n rice I don’t need another trip to the coat hanger maker.”
Carthage: “Damn straight.”
by Robaürt Du Maÿnnne March 16, 2026
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