tragedy massage

a massage without happy ending - sometimes you just want that but not much options at 5 am in the morning...

Tired and sore after getting out of work around 5am.
See a bright sign flashing "MASSAGE".
I pull up and inquire within....
Madame: Hello, you want massage?
Me: Yes.
Madame: $100 okay?
Me: Uhhh... How much for just a massage? Like, only a massage? I don't need anything else.
Madame: Only massage?
Me: Yes. I want a tragedy massage.
Madame: A what?
Me: A massage without a happy ending.
Madame: No happy ending.
Me: Correct. Can I have just a massage? Nothing else. No happy ending.
Madame: ....... No.

(credit: CH)

by pseuDonym_name_001 May 19, 2015

Velvet massage

Is the the place where a person can receive great sensual massage. Provided by best therapists in London this is the best luxury experience

Let's relax and get Velvet Massage

by Velvet Massage April 12, 2016

NHS MASSAGE

When you fake somthing to get felt up /a rub by the doctor....

"Doctor I think I've got a hernia "- nhs massage

by James Sandoe September 5, 2018

Monkey Massage

The act of picking foreign substances off of another's back, much like a monkey.

Hey man could you give me a monkey massage?

by Garfibromyalgia May 18, 2021

Listening Messages

A recording of a spoken message, which many people usually choose over texting

"Let me listen to her Listening Messages"

by CrazyJorge May 11, 2023

agave boon massage

An agave boon massage is a particularly rare kind of massage that was created in Thailand in the 12th century for members of the Thai aristocracy. The message consists of three stages. The first is coating the subject in agave nectar completely, inserting reeds into their nose and mouth so that they do not suffocate. The second stage is a deep tissue rub down characterized by swift, chopping palm-strikes. Finally, the masseuse sets candles about the room and summons the ancestors, who grant a boon to the client of their choosing.

"You can go golf, but I will be getting an agave boon massage!"

by sarlco July 22, 2014

text massage

When someone texts you (especially someone hot) when your phone is on vibrate. The vibrations give you a "massage".

I got a text massage from Cindy. It felt amazing.

by saltyconfetti August 7, 2011