I will send you to Jesus 

what an Asian says while holding a sandal threatening you to death.

"I will send you to Jesus" said Dumbledore calmly.

I will send you to Jesus by anonymous January 9, 2022

Segway Jesus 

Person with Jesus like qualities (long hair, sandals, beard) who floats around from place to place on a segway, no matter how close or far away the destination may be. Typically embraces their own resemblance to Jesus.

Hey, check it out. It's a segway Jesus on his way to the mail center.

Segway Jesus by Segway Jesus Observer March 20, 2009

Zombie Jesus Day 

Easter... when Jesus rose from the dead... and we all know what a person is when he rises from the dead...

Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics on April 8, 2007.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day! *huggles*

Zombie Jesus Day by RhapsodyEternal April 24, 2007

Sweet Zombie Jesus 

An expletive denoting great shock and consternation.

It was used by Professor Farnsworth from tv's "Futurama."

"Five dollars for the secret antidote?! Sweet Zombie Jesus! This is highway robbery!"

Sweet Zombie Jesus by J.F.K. October 31, 2003

Raptor Jesus 

Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.

One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. “Lord?” he spoke, “Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” And quoth Raptor Jesus; “All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” And Anonymous looked ahead, silent.

Raptor Jesus by Anon Divad January 2, 2008

East Jesus 

way the fuck out there

damn, the parking lot was full and I had to park in East Jesus

East Jesus by d5 and d3 April 11, 2000

Junkyard Jesus 

The most epic character from your town. Usually has long hair making them resemble Jesus.

We love you junkyard jesus, make love to me junkyard jesus, please.

You may think he is an every day Joe becuase he works at walmart but the truth is he is Junkyard Jesus.

Junkyard Jesus by lendf8930 May 8, 2011