Child Support Mom
Child Support Mom by Droker March 12, 2009
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Mojang Support
Mojang Support, also known as Minecraft Support, is one of the worst customer services you will ever find out there for a multibillion company like Mojang. With a response time of many weeks to even months and useless, lazy, POS that can't even do their job as support agents, they are an absolute disgrace to Minecraft and Microsoft.
If you do actually get a response from these assholes, they will almost always try to come up with an excuse not to help you with your Java account related issue, claiming their policy doesn't allow whatever you specifically asked them to do, even if the official website says otherwise. Because of this, people deliberately resubmit their support tickets hoping to get a reply from a different representative that actually has a brain and can understand English, which isn't always feasible given the long response time and the large number of incompetent idiots with account administration tools that Mojang is paying to do nothing but give canned responses...
If you do actually get a response from these assholes, they will almost always try to come up with an excuse not to help you with your Java account related issue, claiming their policy doesn't allow whatever you specifically asked them to do, even if the official website says otherwise. Because of this, people deliberately resubmit their support tickets hoping to get a reply from a different representative that actually has a brain and can understand English, which isn't always feasible given the long response time and the large number of incompetent idiots with account administration tools that Mojang is paying to do nothing but give canned responses...
Example 1:
Player: My account got hacked into, please help me recover it!
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Please locate your Transaction ID from 10 years ago and provide a long list of information that you most likely don't have, and then we might help you!
Player: I finally got everything you asked for, can you help me now?
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but for security reasons I am not going to touch your account!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*
Example 2:
Player: One of my past usernames has my real life full name in it, it is personally identifiable information and because name history is public, I would like to have that particular name removed! The website says you remove usernames in such cases, if they contain personally identifiable info.
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but we can only remove past usernames if they contain a full first and last name!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
Player: Can you even read what I said 8 weeks ago, you stupid fucking dumbass? This is a serious issue!
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*
Player: My account got hacked into, please help me recover it!
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Please locate your Transaction ID from 10 years ago and provide a long list of information that you most likely don't have, and then we might help you!
Player: I finally got everything you asked for, can you help me now?
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but for security reasons I am not going to touch your account!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*
Example 2:
Player: One of my past usernames has my real life full name in it, it is personally identifiable information and because name history is public, I would like to have that particular name removed! The website says you remove usernames in such cases, if they contain personally identifiable info.
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but we can only remove past usernames if they contain a full first and last name!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
Player: Can you even read what I said 8 weeks ago, you stupid fucking dumbass? This is a serious issue!
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*
Mojang Support by 14142 February 18, 2021
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