status masterbation

A facebook, twitter, or other social media status update that serves only for the psychosocial gratification of the poster, not unlike sexual masterbation.

-Did you see Lisa's most recent facebook status update about how happy she is with her life and how thankful she is for everyone?

-Yeah, I did, and I can't stop reading it. I have such a fetish for reading status masterbation.

by andmybow February 20, 2014

matterbation

The stroking of a matter vigorously back and forth in your cerebrum with great intensity until conclusion.
Materbation without conclusion causes great pain and discomfort.

I was struggling with matterbation as to wether she really cared for me. As I reached "conclusion" I realized to my pleasure that she did.

by Steven Wylie August 5, 2006

Masterbationist

The act of one human alone frequetly masterbating nonstop.

Jon Marshall is a frquent masterbationist to good house keeping.

by Phillis Dickinme February 1, 2010

Brain-Masterbation

Telling yourself you're right while ignoring actual facts.

In his delusional state, Cambo prefered his Brain-Masterbation and was completely unaware of the actual fact that he was sitting in a burning house.

by Card_Sultan May 14, 2015

Mathurbation

Rubbing your abacus until one blows his equations all over ones Pi.

of or relating to Mathematics

Although crippled by Lou Gehrigs disease, Professor Steven Hawkings is still able to stimulate his libido by a healthy dose of mathurbation.

by Chantel Flanery, Nick Zarvis January 30, 2008

Clown Masterbation

Clown masterbation occurs when you put your penis in a large rainbow wig. Then you rug vigerusly until you cry and bleed (at the same time).

So dude how did you get into the circus?
Oh I had to do some clown masterbation

by ianz. June 6, 2010

mathurbation

The results of rapidly pressing buttons on your calculator!

Bob - 'Hahah look, I'm playing with my calculator'
Bill- 'Wow, pressing buttons on it? Mathurbation!'
Bob - 'But it's so fun! :('

by theyellowasian November 22, 2011