Why Lauren Francesca is clear cause to stop counting votes for
woman of the millennium 989 years early.
1) Recent photo shoot of Lauren Francesca hugging her dog, "Georgie Boy,"
people at the dog park are confusing the
pooch with "Hey, look! It's LUCKY DOG!"
2) Lauren Francesca sends a sign to evolution's amusement park that the train ride is over & the
hot caboose is not the only attraction
3) Lauren Francesca proves that no amount of pain, misery or unhappiness is worth dying for, just think of all the times you prayed for merciful
death prior to first seeing her
4) Lauren Francesca's banned from vacationing near the Arctic Circle for fear of resultant global warming
5) Movie
set janitors tie razors to and flail brooms for dibs to sweep the cutting room
floor while her movies are being edited
6) When Lauren Francesca cries those black tears in Los Campesinos! "Romance Is Boring" (dir Alex de Campi), licorice whip sales
spike like an EKG during Jack Nicholson's electroshock therapy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
7) Lauren Francesca has to wear wide brimmed hats if doves fly overhead. Yhey're
pissed she can tie an olive branch in a knot with no hands
8) Rumors Lady Gaga will go as Lauren Francesca for Halloween.
9) 1st week LaurenFrancescaFanClub.com was up requests for locks of her hair warranted buying a Sinead O'Connor wig.
10) With Lauren Francesca having two X chromosomes, it's impossible to get PG-
13 rating for movies with her in it if script mentions DNA.
"Who did you
like better in that Lauren Francesca short film CHASING THE KISS, Walter Masterson or Michael 'Pyro' Araujo?"
"I thought I saw some other
people in that movie. If you say so. I sorta blocked a lot out when she gets lifted up and.. NO NO!!!! kisses!!! I'm down to two grief counseling sessions a week though. Still not allowed on
YouTube, dammit.
