Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes time.
by MagickDio June 03, 2010
1) A sarcastic term used to describe something or someone that others clearly thinks is great, but is actually fairly sub standard. (Not unlike a lot of jazz)
2) A description for the fuss people make about something that's hardly worth mentioning. (Like the latest jazz album.)
2) A description for the fuss people make about something that's hardly worth mentioning. (Like the latest jazz album.)
1) "I got a new puppy!"
"Big Jazz! I got a new shotgun. Shall we get the two of them together?"
2) "So the bride walked down the aisle and everyone went "Ahhhhhh". All I could think was- "Big Jazz... she looks like an iced gem."
"Big Jazz! I got a new shotgun. Shall we get the two of them together?"
2) "So the bride walked down the aisle and everyone went "Ahhhhhh". All I could think was- "Big Jazz... she looks like an iced gem."
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Has been made since the dawn of time. The method is unchanged, and widespread, from Catholics to Muslims. Every holy meeting will serve this drink.
You take an urn filled with enough water for 20 people and heat it to a stage that is beyond scalding. You then add enough tea leaves for perhaps 2 people and leave it to stew. When the time comes to drink it, serve it in fragile cups with a handle that heats up to the temperature of the liquid. Despite the fact that the drink is horrible, people will drink it and smile sweetly. You can't turn down tea served by a holy person. It's one of the rules of life, along with "you can't hit an old person" and "you can never bollock someone elses kid for being a little shit"
Religious Tea in a CofE church hall comes with a massive side of sympathy that you didn't ask for, and didn't need. You will have your arm touched and rubbed by old ladies and will be called a "good girl/boy"
Religious Tea in a Catholic church hall comes with a side of wrath and hellfire and possible eternal damnation for thinking that you don't like the tea. You may even have to confess if you don't finish it.
Religious Tea in an Adventist church hall comes with a side of awe and wonderment at the marvellous ways of God and sheer admiration that He saw fit to give us tea to drink.
Religious Tea in a Mosque comes with a side of dynamite and optional pre- packed rucksack and train ticket
You take an urn filled with enough water for 20 people and heat it to a stage that is beyond scalding. You then add enough tea leaves for perhaps 2 people and leave it to stew. When the time comes to drink it, serve it in fragile cups with a handle that heats up to the temperature of the liquid. Despite the fact that the drink is horrible, people will drink it and smile sweetly. You can't turn down tea served by a holy person. It's one of the rules of life, along with "you can't hit an old person" and "you can never bollock someone elses kid for being a little shit"
Religious Tea in a CofE church hall comes with a massive side of sympathy that you didn't ask for, and didn't need. You will have your arm touched and rubbed by old ladies and will be called a "good girl/boy"
Religious Tea in a Catholic church hall comes with a side of wrath and hellfire and possible eternal damnation for thinking that you don't like the tea. You may even have to confess if you don't finish it.
Religious Tea in an Adventist church hall comes with a side of awe and wonderment at the marvellous ways of God and sheer admiration that He saw fit to give us tea to drink.
Religious Tea in a Mosque comes with a side of dynamite and optional pre- packed rucksack and train ticket
by MagickDio March 17, 2010
When someone brings up an old grievance that was dead and buried and attempts to revive it to suit their purpose. For example, say a woman named Katie dislikes the fact that one of her friends has bought something Katie wanted for herself. Instead of simply stating annoyance just about that, she also starts referencing a time when they were in school twenty years ago and her friend had kissed a boy that Katie had liked herself. That's a dusty grudge.
Similarly, when someone gets personally annoyed about something which happened many years before they were even born and starts flapping gums about it and getting all irate; that too is a dusty grudge. For example, a black friend on a night out does not take too kindly to the request from his white friends that he to go to the bar. Rather than tell them to go themselves, he then journeys a bit too far off the freaking scale and starts huffing and puffing about slavery and opression of black people in the 1700's. Extremely dusty gruge.
Similarly, when someone gets personally annoyed about something which happened many years before they were even born and starts flapping gums about it and getting all irate; that too is a dusty grudge. For example, a black friend on a night out does not take too kindly to the request from his white friends that he to go to the bar. Rather than tell them to go themselves, he then journeys a bit too far off the freaking scale and starts huffing and puffing about slavery and opression of black people in the 1700's. Extremely dusty gruge.
woman- "No, Trina and Tash are fighting, so we can't invite them to the party."
man-"Still? What is the problem now?!"
woman-"Well, first it was because Trina asked Joey's dad out to the single parent's coffee morning and Tash had been saying she like him, but now it's about Trina deliberately wearing the same colour dress but much shorter than Tash's to her brother's bbq in 1995."
man-"Fuck me, that's a dusty grudge if ever I heard one!!"
Fred- "Are you getting your ticket now, Blake?"
Blake "Yeah, why?"
Fred- "Could you grab mine too, please? Here's the money, I just want to use the toilets first."
Dave- "Yeah, me too, if that's ok, Blake?"
Blake- "You know what? Fuck this!! I didn't come out to be the token fucking slave!! Yeah, SLAVE. I said it. People like you are why the slave trade kept going for so damn long!! I don't have to do things for you just because I'm black!! What is it like ingrained in you white folk that we're you're servants?! Well, no more!!! NO more."
Dave- "Jesus, Blake. Were you a part of the fucking slave trade?! Massive overreaction there, mate!"
Fred-"Yeah, I second that. All you had to say was "No." That's a seriously dusty grudge you've got there."
man-"Still? What is the problem now?!"
woman-"Well, first it was because Trina asked Joey's dad out to the single parent's coffee morning and Tash had been saying she like him, but now it's about Trina deliberately wearing the same colour dress but much shorter than Tash's to her brother's bbq in 1995."
man-"Fuck me, that's a dusty grudge if ever I heard one!!"
Fred- "Are you getting your ticket now, Blake?"
Blake "Yeah, why?"
Fred- "Could you grab mine too, please? Here's the money, I just want to use the toilets first."
Dave- "Yeah, me too, if that's ok, Blake?"
Blake- "You know what? Fuck this!! I didn't come out to be the token fucking slave!! Yeah, SLAVE. I said it. People like you are why the slave trade kept going for so damn long!! I don't have to do things for you just because I'm black!! What is it like ingrained in you white folk that we're you're servants?! Well, no more!!! NO more."
Dave- "Jesus, Blake. Were you a part of the fucking slave trade?! Massive overreaction there, mate!"
Fred-"Yeah, I second that. All you had to say was "No." That's a seriously dusty grudge you've got there."
by MagickDio May 02, 2012
1) "Weird cushion"
"Yeah, that's my Mum's excat"
2) "and it was at that excat momnet that I knew I wandte to fcuk you"
"Yeah, that's my Mum's excat"
2) "and it was at that excat momnet that I knew I wandte to fcuk you"
by MagickDio August 19, 2010
1. A word used to express total annoyance
2. A word used to describe those who have caused you total annoyance.
3. A group of teenage idiots that hang around shopping centres, swearing, spitting and acting hyper.
2. A word used to describe those who have caused you total annoyance.
3. A group of teenage idiots that hang around shopping centres, swearing, spitting and acting hyper.
1. " My internet connection has gone again! FUCKSTICKS!!"
2. "My energy company sent me an estimated bill for about 5 times more than is humanly possible to consume. Fucksticks!"
3. Tina decided to use the south entrance to the mall, owing to the high concentration of fucksticks spitting and leaping about outside the north entrance.
2. "My energy company sent me an estimated bill for about 5 times more than is humanly possible to consume. Fucksticks!"
3. Tina decided to use the south entrance to the mall, owing to the high concentration of fucksticks spitting and leaping about outside the north entrance.
by MagickDio April 24, 2010
Like Secret Santa in that one person delivers something to another, and the recipient was unaware that it was heading their way. Except that the delivery is not a Christmas gift, it's an epic bollocking.
1) One of your friends or family will ultimately humiliate you and make you want to die on the spot. Secret Sergeant encompasses the art of working out which one of the fuckers it will be, eg- one of them is secretly waiting to tear you to shreds, Sgt. style, and the rest of them probably know about it.
2) If you're quietly waiting for the best moment to crush your friend's/lover's/sister's or otherwise acquainted or related person's world, and you have discussed it with others, you are the Secret Sergeant. The way you get your kicks is by not being discovered by your intended target, and getting that moment of sweet, sweet satisfaction when the unsuspecting person falls apart before your eyes. A good Secret Sergeant could wipe the smile off a leprechaun's face.
1) One of your friends or family will ultimately humiliate you and make you want to die on the spot. Secret Sergeant encompasses the art of working out which one of the fuckers it will be, eg- one of them is secretly waiting to tear you to shreds, Sgt. style, and the rest of them probably know about it.
2) If you're quietly waiting for the best moment to crush your friend's/lover's/sister's or otherwise acquainted or related person's world, and you have discussed it with others, you are the Secret Sergeant. The way you get your kicks is by not being discovered by your intended target, and getting that moment of sweet, sweet satisfaction when the unsuspecting person falls apart before your eyes. A good Secret Sergeant could wipe the smile off a leprechaun's face.
"One of them is going to go all Secret Sergeant about me running off to vegas and getting married....I need to know which one it is"
"He cried his eyes out. He didn't even see it coming, and I didn't care for his weak and pathetic tears. I went totally Secret Sergeant on him!"
"He cried his eyes out. He didn't even see it coming, and I didn't care for his weak and pathetic tears. I went totally Secret Sergeant on him!"
by MagickDio February 17, 2010