Definitions by magickdio
Ball Category
Testicles come in few shapes, more sizes and even more levels of maintenance and cleanliness. Balls have been arranged into categories by people who care about what they put in their mouths. They are defined as follows
Category 1- The creme de la creme of bollocks. Tight, defuzzed, cleaned with some kind of soap and good sized.
Category 2- Trimmed, wiped with a wet flannel and either slightly large or slightly small. A slight smell of sweat is OK, terrible smell will shunt you down to category 4.
Category 3- Untamed, lynxed to within an inch of their lives, size indistinguishable under the 'fro.
Category 4- Scrotum appears to have space for at least 4 more testicles, overpowering rank scent of stale sweat and ignorant of all hair removal methods.
Category 5- Alien nards. Something weird or horrifying, like an extra one, or ropey veins all over.
Category 1- The creme de la creme of bollocks. Tight, defuzzed, cleaned with some kind of soap and good sized.
Category 2- Trimmed, wiped with a wet flannel and either slightly large or slightly small. A slight smell of sweat is OK, terrible smell will shunt you down to category 4.
Category 3- Untamed, lynxed to within an inch of their lives, size indistinguishable under the 'fro.
Category 4- Scrotum appears to have space for at least 4 more testicles, overpowering rank scent of stale sweat and ignorant of all hair removal methods.
Category 5- Alien nards. Something weird or horrifying, like an extra one, or ropey veins all over.
Ball Category by MagickDio August 20, 2010
Ear Rapist
A person who tells you things which are a total waste of your time, or whines and complains at you. Forcing you to hear things you don't want to hear means they are virtually raping your ears with their words.
Tyrone will never be invited to another dinner party after he complained about every dish served at Sheila's. Then he told everyone about the time he met Sting. Now warnings have been issued about him being an ear rapist.
Ear Rapist by MagickDio August 10, 2010
Horny Eye Syndrome
Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes time.
Horny Eye Syndrome by MagickDio June 3, 2010
Priestly Fuck
1- An act of intercourse where the male involved seems completely switched off from the idea that the woman is meant to be getting pleasure, and instead simply gallops towards the semen depositing finale. It leaves the woman feeling like she may as well have been elsewhere. This is a priestly fuck, as one imagines that's exactly how a priest would do it- with as little extra contact as possible so as to make it less of a sin.
2- That guy who disapproves of everything you do that he can't, much like a priest does. He's the bloke who feels it necessary to make himself look better than you by reacting with disgust and incredulous disbelief when hearing of your exploits. He's a priestly fuck, that one. He probably wanks and cries over tales of his mate's debauchery.
2- That guy who disapproves of everything you do that he can't, much like a priest does. He's the bloke who feels it necessary to make himself look better than you by reacting with disgust and incredulous disbelief when hearing of your exploits. He's a priestly fuck, that one. He probably wanks and cries over tales of his mate's debauchery.
1- "I thought you liked Tim, why did you split up?"
"Well, he was a good guy outside of the bedroom, but once we got in there, he subjected me to the most priestly fuck ever, and didn't show any interest in trying again. It's over."
2- Tom- "So I shagged them both. You only live once, right?"
(The assembled mates laugh and agree, gazing at Tom in awe. All except for one.)
Ross- "You ought to be ashamed of yourself"
(Ross gets up and goes to the bar, shaking his head and tutting. The men sit and reel in disbelief)
Tom- "Priestly Fuck!"
"Well, he was a good guy outside of the bedroom, but once we got in there, he subjected me to the most priestly fuck ever, and didn't show any interest in trying again. It's over."
2- Tom- "So I shagged them both. You only live once, right?"
(The assembled mates laugh and agree, gazing at Tom in awe. All except for one.)
Ross- "You ought to be ashamed of yourself"
(Ross gets up and goes to the bar, shaking his head and tutting. The men sit and reel in disbelief)
Tom- "Priestly Fuck!"
Priestly Fuck by MagickDio May 20, 2010
Man Tidy
A state of order and cleanliness that is barely passable. If your teeth have been brushed for approximately 15 seconds, the front part of your hair has been messily styled, and your shirt has been dragged out of the washing basket and febrezed, consider yourself "man tidy." If your living room has floor debris and unidentifiable matter pushed under the sofa, empty lager cans lined up on the coffee table and a light layer of dust covering every surface, consider it "man tidy." If you're a woman and you keep your affairs in such disorder, then grow some ovaries and pick up a duster.
There are males that walk among us that have shrugged off "man tidy" and all its associated mingingness, yet we shall refer to these individuals as Gods, because they are so very rare and breathtaking.
There are males that walk among us that have shrugged off "man tidy" and all its associated mingingness, yet we shall refer to these individuals as Gods, because they are so very rare and breathtaking.
Ear poison
1) Bad music.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
"I was getting a lift with Josh, but I'll be taking the bus from now on, due to the massive dose of Prince related ear poison he pumped into the car"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
Ear poison by MagickDio May 18, 2010