The Real Canadian's definitions

Bunny Ranch

An all-American name for a brothel, whorehouse, place of ill repute or common bawdyhouse located anywhere near Sin City. In much of Nevada, prostitution is legal. It’s a place where almost anything goes.

On our way back to the airport from that boring convention downtown, we checked out that other Vegas attraction, the Bunny Ranch. It was a bigger gamble and more fun than anything on the Strip.

by The Real Canadian June 5, 2022

Crappy Tire

Don't take your car to this place. They will upsell repairs and services that you don't need - at inflated prices - using low grade parts that will wear out faster than you can say "rip off". Hires young, incompetent or dishonest grease monkeys who wreck your car inside out.

Crappy Tire told my old lady that she would have to pay $3,000 for repairs - and she only brought her car in for a stinking oil change. Scammers!

by The Real Canadian September 20, 2015

Cheetolini

One of Donald Trump's many unflattering nicknames, Cheetolini is a portmanteau of Cheetos (which bear Trump's unnatural orange skin color) and Italian fascist/Hitler ally Benito Mussolini.

Cheetolini's buddies like little girls, too.

How would Cheetolini like it if he's locked in a cage like these migrants at ICE detention centers?

by The Real Canadian July 20, 2019

Bobbitted

The, ahem, barbaric act of cutting off a guy's penis. Named for one such lucky guy, John Bobbitt, whose then-wife sliced off his manhood before tossing it in the woods. (Don't worry, they found it later).

Charlie: Have you heard that Tom got Bobbitted?

Carrie: He deserved it. Tom cheated on Miranda with Allie, Julie and Kate, and he was working on Erica. What a cad!

Charlie: I hope that I didn't eat his wiener with mustard and relish for lunch. He's gross!

by The Real Canadian April 29, 2019

Hoe Hicks

A secretive, hot-looking office skank who sleeps her way to the top, almost always with married men. Her only qualifications for a high-paying job? Working as a model and looking like one, too.

I have two degrees and could only find a job pushing boxes along a conveyor belt, yet that bimbo Hoe Hicks could get a high paying job with zero qualifications! WTF?

by The Real Canadian May 5, 2018

Coffin Nails

Pioneering, but forgotten, 1950’s and 1960’s shock jock Joe Pyne called cigarettes this, being resigned to his chain smoking habit. (He died of lung cancer in 1970, aged 45). These days, coffin nails could mean three things:

1. Long, squared off manicures in the shape of an old school coffin;

2. French fries because they’re unhealthy to begin with; and
3. Cigarettes.

How could Miranda type with those ugly coffin nails in her way?
No wonder why Albert is so fat, he eats that big carton of coffin nails with chili and cheese every day for lunch.
The Surgeon General has determined that smoking coffin nails is dangerous to your health.

by The Real Canadian September 24, 2020

Veruca Salt

In the classic Roald Dahl kids' book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt is an obnoxious, spoiled rich brat. She seems sweet and innocent from the surface, but she yells, screams and gets aggressive when she doesn't get her way. Meets her messy end in the nut room, where she ends up down the garbage chute.

Veruca Salt is also the second Golden Ticket winner for a tour of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Veruca Salt is the epitome of spoiled rich brat.

This spoiled rich brat over there has pulled a Veruca Salt on us again.

If you keep this up, you'll share the garbage bin with Veruca Salt.

by The Real Canadian August 23, 2016