The Real Canadian's definitions

crackton

Nickname for Acton, a working class Toronto suburb known for its drugs, teen moms, low educational attainment rates, open racism, and some of the stupidest people alive. Any person with even a little bit going for them would get out of that place, using college or university as an escape route.

It's worth the drive to Crackton.

by The Real Canadian April 25, 2015

Matt Lauer

An overpaid, creepy-looking douchebag who got away with trapping underlings in his office - until one of them helped send him on his permanent vacation. Probably the most unlikable morning show host in the history of television.

I don’t know how that disgusting Matt Lauer got this far in life. Just the thought of him pulling out his pecker makes me lose my appetite.

by The Real Canadian April 14, 2021

Skankasaurus

An older, slutty-looking woman who hasn't enough class or restraint to be a cougar. Many skankasauruses wear overly revealing clothes, which is gauche even if she has the right body.

Most common habitats for skankasauruses? Fox News, followed by any nightclub or bar.

Jillian is 50 years old and still throws herself at men half her age. What a skankasaurus!

by The Real Canadian May 4, 2019

Tomi Lahren

Tomi Lahren is just another dumb blonde who has only gotten ahead in life because of her looks. She makes a complete and total fool of herself in public, saying stupid things that insult reasonable people. Tomi Lahren is proof that you don't need a brain to succeed on TV, just a pretty face, great legs and an empty head.

Every time he watches Tomi Lahren, my dirty old man for a grandpa gets a woody. If this keeps up, then I need to throw the TV set out.

by The Real Canadian February 27, 2017

Timmy’s

Canada’s favorite donut shop, Timmy’s is a colloquialism for Tim Hortons (originally Tim Horton Donuts). Founded in 1964 by Toronto Maple Leafs player Tim Horton; he was killed on his way back to Toronto from a game with the Buffalo Sabres a decade later, but his spirit lives on.

It seems like everybody at work avoids our coffee in the break room, running to Timmy’s across the street instead.

by The Real Canadian July 12, 2022

Turpintine

The stench, psychological and physical damage, and destruction that result from raising 13 kids (and counting) under dirty, creepy and abusive circumstances. It only takes one person (a close family member) to expose two weirdos for that they really are.

My partner and I wanted to buy a house in Perris, but it was covered in Turpintine. We settled for an old crack house instead.

by The Real Canadian May 5, 2018

Forrest Gump

1. The title character of a 1994 historical drama, starring Tom Hanks as a simple man who somehow stumbles into every major historical event in the US during the mid-20th century.

2. Any person who actually has, or is perceived to have, a room temperature IQ.

3. A moron in general.

Forrest Gump over there couldn’t write a sentence without major grammatical mistakes. No wonder why nobody takes him seriously.

by The Real Canadian July 30, 2022