Shuaman's definitions

Jalapeno handjob

When you hope that burn is from the chilies she's been chopping...Jerking off or touching your junk with capsicum on your hands.

Dude, just gave myself a jalapeno handjob.

I told you not to jerk off after making salsa! You better put some milk on that shit, yo!

by Shuaman April 17, 2017

pre-fire

That period before actually getting ousted from your job. In politics this often involves leaking a false resignation story to the media to lay the groundwork for the real firing a few days later.

I think I got pre-fired today.

Why?

They moved me to a windowless office in the basement.

by Shuaman September 24, 2018

Short Arm Shifty

The act of masturbation.

Sorry I'm late, stopped for a quick short arm shifty in the car.

by Shuaman June 16, 2023

Thot housing

To rip out a wet one and waft it in your girlfriend's face.

Joel farted right in my face today.

Oh girl, once they start thot housing you, it's over.

by Shuaman November 2, 2018

Shrapnel

Cocaine; especially a line that has been insufficiently chopped and contains large chunks.

Dude, that was some shrapnel.

That's what happens when you try and chop a line with your library card.

by Shuaman July 5, 2019

voted for trump

Buyer's remorse. An expression of intense regret.

Wow, that girl you hooked up with last night was fugly, dude.

I know, I voted for trump on that one.

by Shuaman May 20, 2017

Muffy the tampon slayer

A girl with a heavy flow on.

What's up with all the bathroom breaks?

I've got a crimson tidal wave, girl, I'm Muffy the tampon slayer!

by Shuaman June 9, 2021