Definitions by QuacksO
"and furthermore" syndrome
Refers to the abrasive and horridly-destructive mindset that is all-too-often adopted by someone with authority/influence (parent/guardian, schoolteacher/principal, policeman/judge, owner/caretaker of a large and/or fancy estate, etc.), whereby he blatantly/impatiently disregards common sense or basic compassion regarding the everyday necessities/difficulties/incapabilities of the less fortunate/affluent/physically-fit mortals in the world, while at the same time needlessly and unjustly "throwing his weight around" or "flexing his muscles" in an additionally-injurious manner. So, not only will he refuse reasonable requests to assist/ease the burdens of a timid "underdog", but he will then "add insult to injury" by irritably/gruffly PILING ON one or more ADDITIONAL agonizingly-arduous stipulations/restrictions onto the trembling help-seeker, so that this unfortunate wretch will now be even WORSE off than he was before!
One should be extremely wary about asking someone of substance/power for advice or assistance, since many such "upper crust" individuals tend to be afflicted with "and furthermore" syndrome... not only may they flippantly brush off your request for help, but they likely will then also grumble, "And furthermore --- I don't want you to do such-and-such anymore", or "I am sick and tired of your not doing such-and-such like everyone else does, so you're to start doing so immediately", which of course will just make you burdened/agonized all the more, especially if the retracted privilege is something that you vitally need just to survive or remain sane.
"and furthermore" syndrome by QuacksO November 29, 2016
reverse identity theft
The act of abusing the well-known and "automatically accepted" concept of identity theft (whereby a nameless criminal commits a crime and makes it appear that an innocent person did it) by falsely mentioning it to hopefully avert suspicion of criminal involvement --- the accused person does indeed commit one or more crimes himself, but then when questioned by authorities, the culprit claims to merely be an innocent ID-theft victim, and that somebody else must have committed the crimes in his name.
John claims that while he was golfing with his buddies, someone snuck into his car and used his laptop to send smutty e-mail messages. But I know what an "in the gutter" mindset he has, so I suspect that he's just hiding behind reverse identity theft.
reverse identity theft by QuacksO November 27, 2016
Frankenwhine
A bratty little buck-toothed green-skinned "monster" who is always complaining, constantly demanding attention, never satisfied with anything, and nasally begging for items on the shelves of the department store or supermarket. Just about every family has at least one of these delightful rug-rats somewhere in its "flock"; it's just that nobody wants to admit his existence or reveal who the "ram" and "ewe" were who ever conceived this infamous "black sheep", nor does anyone even want to be saddled with the unenviable task of being the delinquent's "shepherd" for the day. Even school days may bring little relief from his torment for the adults back at the house, since he often gets sent home from school for disruptive behavior within the first hour of attendance --- the teachers and hall-monitors can't stand to deal with him, either.
I hate attending my neighbors' backyard barbecues because there's inevitably at least one Frankenwhine in their midst who ruins the day for everyone else.
Frankenwhine by QuacksO November 25, 2016
colon-pee
Refers to a rip-roaring case of "liquid farts" --- not just a case of mundane "trots", but a full-blown bout of "galloping diarrhea", like you're actually urinating out of your large intestine.
My country-cousin friends graciously invited me to help myself to the leftovers in their fridge while I was visiting them for a couple weeks this past July. That was all great, except that once I made the mistake of thirstily polishing off a nearly-full 2-quart bottle of Ocean Spray Premium Prune Juice over the course of a couple hours on an especially hot day. Well, needless to say, I was then obliged to stay in the yard for the next couple days 'cuz I had to run inside and visit the Little Boys' Room every ten minutes, plus I hadda remember to not eat anything after four in the afternoon both days, so that I could eventually "poop myself empty" by late evening and thus be able to get some sleep at night! Talk about total colon-pee --- my poor butt-hole got so sore that it felt like I was squirtin' out hot lava towards the end of it! Ah, well --- live and learn --- prune juice isn't meant to be consumed in large quantities (I shoulda gotten a clue from the fact that the bottle had had so little used out of it), unlike apple or cranberry juice that comes in the same kind of bottle!
politician car
Disgruntled-with-the-State citizen's term for a 4-wheeled gas-guzzler.
Dude #1: Sorry to have to bring my car politician car this time, Buddy, but my Prius in in the repair shop, so I'll have to charge you an extra two dollars in gas for the ride to the store.
Dude #2: "Politician car" ---? You mean that its engine is "all talk and no action"?
Dude #1: Well, not really --- that's as good a guess as any, but in this case I was referring to the car's being a "total suck-up".
Dude #2: "Politician car" ---? You mean that its engine is "all talk and no action"?
Dude #1: Well, not really --- that's as good a guess as any, but in this case I was referring to the car's being a "total suck-up".
politician car by QuacksO November 4, 2016
wheelbarrow walk
Refers to the slightly loopy child's game whereby the youngster stretches out on his tummy and raises himself up on his hands, whereupon an adult or somewhat bigger child grasps and lifts the kid's ankles and then slowly "trundles" him forward while the child walks along on his hands. An ideal activity to keep a child "occupied for a few" when there's nothing else to do at the time, or to painlessly compel a hyper/rambunctious child to quit horsing around, since he cannot do anything else while partaking of the game.
Senior-high student: My little brother and I got tired of waiting for the school bus, so we did the wheelbarrow walk around the lawn till the bus finally showed up fifteen minutes late.
wheelbarrow walk by QuacksO November 4, 2016
throne vs. phone
That infuriating and mysterious battle between two common household objects --- both made of white porcelain --- which causes untold headaches, especially if there's only one person in the house at the time. You know the drill --- the telephone can be "silent" for hours, yet as soon as you plop down on the toilet and are in the middle of a lengthy crap, THAT'S precisely when the 0%!$&#@ phone decides to ring, and so you have to awkwardly jam a tissue-wad up your butt and hold it there while you penguin-strut with your trousers down around your ankles all the way across the living room to grab the receiver with your messy hand, only to either (1) have the caller hang up just as you are lifting the receiver, or (2) have it be just either a telemarketer or a bill-collector who'd dialed the wrong number, anyway, or (3) have the caller be a bored/crybaby/mooching neighbor who had nothing important to say/ask, but just called to shoot the breeze, whine about his miserable life (which he could easily improve if he'd just start being more responsible/diligent), or ask for a ride, assistance with some ordinary task that he really could accomplish himself, or the loan of money/a vehicle/tools. So you'll have totally wasted your time/effort --- not to mention half a bottle of Lysol to disinfect the phone afterwards --- to answer the phone that time, when the call turned out to be non-urgent and so you could have just let the answering machine take it.
Judge: Next case --- throne vs. phone. Phone, you are hereby accused of intentionally waiting to ring until your owner goes to take a dump. How do you plead?
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
throne vs. phone by QuacksO November 2, 2016