QuacksO's definitions

wheelbarrow walk

Refers to the slightly loopy child's game whereby the youngster stretches out on his tummy and raises himself up on his hands, whereupon an adult or somewhat bigger child grasps and lifts the kid's ankles and then slowly "trundles" him forward while the child walks along on his hands. An ideal activity to keep a child "occupied for a few" when there's nothing else to do at the time, or to painlessly compel a hyper/rambunctious child to quit horsing around, since he cannot do anything else while partaking of the game.

Senior-high student: My little brother and I got tired of waiting for the school bus, so we did the wheelbarrow walk around the lawn till the bus finally showed up fifteen minutes late.

by QuacksO November 4, 2016

Frankenwhine

A bratty little buck-toothed green-skinned "monster" who is always complaining, constantly demanding attention, never satisfied with anything, and nasally begging for items on the shelves of the department store or supermarket. Just about every family has at least one of these delightful rug-rats somewhere in its "flock"; it's just that nobody wants to admit his existence or reveal who the "ram" and "ewe" were who ever conceived this infamous "black sheep", nor does anyone even want to be saddled with the unenviable task of being the delinquent's "shepherd" for the day. Even school days may bring little relief from his torment for the adults back at the house, since he often gets sent home from school for disruptive behavior within the first hour of attendance --- the teachers and hall-monitors can't stand to deal with him, either.

I hate attending my neighbors' backyard barbecues because there's inevitably at least one Frankenwhine in their midst who ruins the day for everyone else.

by QuacksO November 25, 2016

colon-pee

Refers to a rip-roaring case of "liquid farts" --- not just a case of mundane "trots", but a full-blown bout of "galloping diarrhea", like you're actually urinating out of your large intestine.

My country-cousin friends graciously invited me to help myself to the leftovers in their fridge while I was visiting them for a couple weeks this past July. That was all great, except that once I made the mistake of thirstily polishing off a nearly-full 2-quart bottle of Ocean Spray Premium Prune Juice over the course of a couple hours on an especially hot day. Well, needless to say, I was then obliged to stay in the yard for the next couple days 'cuz I had to run inside and visit the Little Boys' Room every ten minutes, plus I hadda remember to not eat anything after four in the afternoon both days, so that I could eventually "poop myself empty" by late evening and thus be able to get some sleep at night! Talk about total colon-pee --- my poor butt-hole got so sore that it felt like I was squirtin' out hot lava towards the end of it! Ah, well --- live and learn --- prune juice isn't meant to be consumed in large quantities (I shoulda gotten a clue from the fact that the bottle had had so little used out of it), unlike apple or cranberry juice that comes in the same kind of bottle!

by QuacksO November 25, 2016

reverse identity theft

The act of abusing the well-known and "automatically accepted" concept of identity theft (whereby a nameless criminal commits a crime and makes it appear that an innocent person did it) by falsely mentioning it to hopefully avert suspicion of criminal involvement --- the accused person does indeed commit one or more crimes himself, but then when questioned by authorities, the culprit claims to merely be an innocent ID-theft victim, and that somebody else must have committed the crimes in his name.

John claims that while he was golfing with his buddies, someone snuck into his car and used his laptop to send smutty e-mail messages. But I know what an "in the gutter" mindset he has, so I suspect that he's just hiding behind reverse identity theft.

by QuacksO November 27, 2016

"and furthermore" syndrome

Refers to the abrasive and horridly-destructive mindset that is all-too-often adopted by someone with authority/influence (parent/guardian, schoolteacher/principal, policeman/judge, owner/caretaker of a large and/or fancy estate, etc.), whereby he blatantly/impatiently disregards common sense or basic compassion regarding the everyday necessities/difficulties/incapabilities of the less fortunate/affluent/physically-fit mortals in the world, while at the same time needlessly and unjustly "throwing his weight around" or "flexing his muscles" in an additionally-injurious manner. So, not only will he refuse reasonable requests to assist/ease the burdens of a timid "underdog", but he will then "add insult to injury" by irritably/gruffly PILING ON one or more ADDITIONAL agonizingly-arduous stipulations/restrictions onto the trembling help-seeker, so that this unfortunate wretch will now be even WORSE off than he was before!

One should be extremely wary about asking someone of substance/power for advice or assistance, since many such "upper crust" individuals tend to be afflicted with "and furthermore" syndrome... not only may they flippantly brush off your request for help, but they likely will then also grumble, "And furthermore --- I don't want you to do such-and-such anymore", or "I am sick and tired of your not doing such-and-such like everyone else does, so you're to start doing so immediately", which of course will just make you burdened/agonized all the more, especially if the retracted privilege is something that you vitally need just to survive or remain sane.

by QuacksO November 29, 2016

andeffective

A mealy-mouthed "feature" of some hyped product, spoken after cheerful and virtuous-sounding words like "safe" or cheap", and intended to not actually lie but sometimes to trick someone into thinking you mean one thing when you may actually mean something entirely the opposite.

When a radio or TV advertiser says that some medicine or other edible substance is "tasty andeffective", I never know if he is indeed saying, "and effective", or if he's really saying, "and DEfective"!

by QuacksO December 8, 2016

hysteriactomy

An operation that a woman has "down there" to remove the "what if I get pregnant?" hysteria that she normally feels whenever she has unprotected sex.

Hot chick: I love "doing it" with all of the "well-hung" guys I know, so I had a hysteriactomy to avoid any unexpected pitter-patter of little feet.

by QuacksO December 17, 2016