QuacksO's definitions

altornative

Cutting wif scissors and/or carefully separating sheet-portions along perforations, so as to avoid ripping da material in ragged-edged pieces.

Making fussy little snips or careful tugs rather than simply yankin' a sheet of paper or cloth in two may indeed be a neater and more-accurate altornative, but many folks lack da patience and/or hand-movement precision for dat crap.

by QuacksO March 1, 2023

over-the-counter medication

Stored-behind-da-checkout-platform substances dat are so strongly craved by certain customers dat dey will actually "vault da table" to obtain some.

Hagar The Horrible is infamous for infuriatedly taking a flying leap over an obstacle with his sword flailing whenever someone located behind said obstruction denies him a request, so one would hope that he never is prescribed any health-improvement pills by Dr. Zook, or said much-desired products might wind up being "over-the-counter medications" if said imperious Viking either was unable to pay for said pharmaceuticals, or he was wanting additional meds prior to the refill date.

by QuacksO November 3, 2023

scuba-diving

Where you use a straw or swizzle-stick to probe down into da big “scuba”* ice cream in yer cone to determine if da diner’s soda-jerk remembered to include yer prize at da bottom, or to check and see if there is indeed a delightful sticky-creamy chocolate-fudge center.
*Apologies to Abbot & Costello for swipin’ their joke here. :P

Redneck psychologist: I’ve found that one of the best --- and least painful/intrusive --- ways to determine if a client has obsessive-compulsive tendencies is to take him out for ice cream at a fast-food joint that offers a fun little prize down inside the cone, and then I simply observe whether my client performs a “scuba-diving” action before he finishes the ice cream.

by QuacksO September 15, 2018

emutional support

Da comforting companionship dat da Liberty Mutual dude gets from his goofy-lookin' bulgy-eyed feathered buddy.

Dunno how anyone could actually derive much emutional support from a weird flightless bird dat is known for being short-tempered and aggressive, but hey --- if dat's your thing, more power to you. Safety goggles and thick-fabric protective clothing might be wise to wear when communing with said fuzzy buddies, though, since their formidable beaks and claws are not exactly objects dat you'd wanna get too friendly with.

by QuacksO March 20, 2021

stuporvised release

1. Da freeing of a still-dangerous inmate due to da warden's or parole-board's not being conscious at da time.
2. Da "conditional" freeing of a "problematic" inmate whose behavior --- or rather, MISbehavior --- while in prison indicates dat he cannot be reformed, and thus da only way dat he can be allowed to be out in public again would be if he was kept in a constant comatose state so dat he could not do anything hurtful to himself or others.

Dunno which would be more costly for da taxpayers --- keeping someone dangerous in jail, or purchasing da huge quantities of sedatives necessary for a stuporvised release.

by QuacksO December 27, 2019

Allahgator

"Da Great One" of da reptile world.

Many people aren't spiritual believers, but they might start copiously praying if they were pursued by an Allahgator!

by QuacksO November 30, 2025

incarserration

Slammer-time dat ya get sentenced to due to yer not having properly cut da grooves into knife-blades.

Ya can get similar-length stints at Da Crossbar Hotel if ya either neglected to form sawing-channels into tough-materials-slicing cutlery like tomato- or steak-knives, or DID grind da ol' zipper-teeth into paring- or boning-knives dat WERE NOT supposed to have them ---- either commission of serious neglect can carry some fairly-hefty incarserration, too! :P

by QuacksO January 19, 2025