Definitions by QuacksO
freeloader
A sexually-ravenous chick who possesses such an insatiable craving for man-milk that she is never content even if she already has a well-hung and virile male companion; she therefore compulsively scuttles around the neighborhood whenever he's away and begs all the other hot hunks to let her suck them off and swallow their entire warm thick creamy "loads" that had gradually been "accumulating" inside their guy-junk during the day, and that they'd been saving up for their own significant others when they got home; the hapless studs are therefore completely "drained" afterwards, and thus can only manage a minuscule watery dribble sometime later when their own partners return and want a little "action" for themselves.
Health practitioner: I'm always suspicious about some of these otherwise-healthy-looking young dudes' claims that they have erectile dysfunction or low sperm-count due to medical/environmental reasons... I always ask around town to see if there are any freeloaders in the area before I make a final determination.
freeloader by QuacksO August 1, 2018
pre-cough swallow
Refers to where you feel a cough coming on while your mouth is full of food/drink, and so you hastily down the entire mouthful so that your mouth and throat will be free to expel the cough "cleanly", rather than there being a humongous "geyser" of messy stuff to go flying all over the place and disgustingly splattering everything within a several-foot radius.
I'd just swallowed a big bite of spicy-hot chili and was in the process of washing it down with a swig of cold milk when I felt an overpowering urge to choke, so I did a hasty pre-cough swallow to avoid a spluttery shower of tomato-tinted milk all over my new tablecloth.
pre-cough swallow by QuacksO August 1, 2018
propriety-penalty
Refers to any case where Big Brother hypocritically "talks out of both sides of his mouth" in the management/oversight of certain economic policies; i.e., the Government loudly claims to approve/disapprove of a certain practice/behavior, yet they tax you or charge you extra if you actually "do the right thing" in that instance.
A classic example of "propriety-penalty" is the marriage-tax, whereby two people who marry are collectively charged more than twice the amount of income-tax that just one of them would have to pay "on his own", and government-provided financial assistance (i.e., Social Security, SSI Disability, etc.) that two benefits-eligible people receive is significantly reduced if they get married instead of merely practicing the socially-frowned-upon "co-habitating without a wedding band" living-arrangement... in both cases, you get "financially penalized" for "doing the right thing"! It's little wonder that so few couples --- especially the younger ones who might be required to pay income tax if their earnings are high enough --- want to "tie the knot" nowadays; these destructive monetary policies actually **encourage** love-birds to "misbehave" in this way.
propriety-penalty by QuacksO August 1, 2018
Murphy's Law of Garage Sales
"The desirability of and/or your need for an item at a garage sale will be in direct inverse proportion to the likelihood of your actually being able to purchase it."
The four most common/infuriating occasions when Murphy's Law of Garage Sales holds true:
(1) A desired item is something that's just stored in the family's garage; it’s not one of the items for sale.
(2) The item has already been sold, and the homeowner is just “holding” it till the buyer gets back with either the money or a vehicle to transport the item to his own home.
(3) The item is too expensive, and the seller will not budge on the price. (Note: this is not always an "all hope is lost" situation --- you may have at least two additional options. First, try coming back again later in the day to see if the item is still unsold --- if YOU think that the item is overpriced, then most OTHER yard-sailers may think so, too, and so nobody else may have bought the item yet, either, giving you a second crack at possibly purchasing it at a reduced price, especially since by now the seller may likely feel a bit "desperate" to get rid of it. And second, have a glance at the trash-heap out front of the person’s house that evening --- sometimes unsold yard-sale items will simply be tossed out, and so you can then get them for free.)
(4) The item is something that you would logically want to test out first to make sure it operates satisfactorily, but there is no hookup for electricity/water/telephone/internet/antenna/audio/video at the site of the sale, and the stubborn owner will not allow you to either bring the item into his house or temporarily take it somewhere else to test it.
(1) A desired item is something that's just stored in the family's garage; it’s not one of the items for sale.
(2) The item has already been sold, and the homeowner is just “holding” it till the buyer gets back with either the money or a vehicle to transport the item to his own home.
(3) The item is too expensive, and the seller will not budge on the price. (Note: this is not always an "all hope is lost" situation --- you may have at least two additional options. First, try coming back again later in the day to see if the item is still unsold --- if YOU think that the item is overpriced, then most OTHER yard-sailers may think so, too, and so nobody else may have bought the item yet, either, giving you a second crack at possibly purchasing it at a reduced price, especially since by now the seller may likely feel a bit "desperate" to get rid of it. And second, have a glance at the trash-heap out front of the person’s house that evening --- sometimes unsold yard-sale items will simply be tossed out, and so you can then get them for free.)
(4) The item is something that you would logically want to test out first to make sure it operates satisfactorily, but there is no hookup for electricity/water/telephone/internet/antenna/audio/video at the site of the sale, and the stubborn owner will not allow you to either bring the item into his house or temporarily take it somewhere else to test it.
Murphy's Law of Garage Sales by QuacksO August 1, 2018
loo scannon
A small heavy apparatus on wheels with a short iron projectile-hurling barrel that you pack with black powder and a sandbag, and place just inside the door of an outhouse; you rig the device's primer-cap to both the door and the seat of the crapper. That way, if some "loose cannon" --- either because he's a pervert or simply too drunk to notice da "occupied" sign --- tries to enter da loo while someone else is already in there, he'll get blasted clear across the yard for his impudence.
The only problem with a loo scannon is that ordinarily you can only have one shot at the loo-intruder at a time,, so if the sozzled/lecherous idiot actually recovers from the massive torso-whack he received "the first time around" and staggers back toward the outhouse before you're through takin' yer dump, you will no longer have your "protection device" activated to give him another whallop. That's what bathroom-buddies are for --- always take another person and some fresh ammo-supplies with you when you head for the potty, so that your friend can hurriedly reload the scannon in preparation for another blast if necessary. P.S. Some clueless dudes are so big and tough that they actually **enjoy** being a "human cannonball", so watch out for "repeat offenders" here... they may actually WANT you to do it again "on their behalf".
loo scannon by QuacksO August 1, 2018
Murphy's Law Of Windshield-Damage
"You can leave a pitted/abraded/scratched/bubbled/discolored windshield in your car till 0%!$@&# Doomsday and it will never get hit, but then just as soon as you actually REPLACE said "ancient" glass wif a brand new one, THAT'S when you'll get a bleepin' BIG OL' PEBBLE tossed up by a passing vehicle, and star-crack your nice shiny-fresh windshield all to Hell!"
After several years I eventually got sick and tired of all da misty triplex-haze on my car's original-from-the-factory windshield, and so I finally replaced it --- wouldn't you know that the VERY NEXT DAY it got a huge crack in it after a rock got thrown up by the wheel of a passing dump-truck! Ahhhhrrrggggghhhhh... classic case of Murphy's Law Of Windshield-Damage, I guess!!
Murphy's Law Of Windshield-Damage by QuacksO July 31, 2018
Dopeamine
Da "feel-good" chemical in yer brain dat temporarily lifts yer mood whenever something positive/exciting/enjoyable happens, but den ya feel like a complete dope after da "high" wears off.