Mr Ben's definitions

mid-shaft gash

A small but iritating (and extremely painful) cut halfway along one's penis.

"I can't tonight, love. I've got a mid-shaft gash."

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

chavmobile

The only mode of transport for the chav of today, a chavmobile is a derogatory word for a home-converted vehicle of some description. Countless modifications may include huge subwoofers in the boot, a crude soft-top, spoilers from an F1 car, blue neon underneath the doors, spinning hub-caps, painted flames around the wheels or bonnet, a nitro-charged engine (homemade, of course) and multiple CD player. The trouble is, a chavmobile will usually be a fifteen year old Vauxhaul Nova or a Ford Fiesta that should have been scrapped after the accident.

Incidentally, why do chavs spend so much money doing up their chavmobiles when they could buy a decent car with it in the first place?

Readers of motoring magazine Max Power will be all too familiar with chavmobiles.

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

cranium attack

Similar to a heart attack but occurs in the head. Often a short but intensely painful headache which disappears almost as quickly as it arrives. Cause unknown.

"Ah, fuck! I've just had a cranium attack!"

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005

dufus

A kindly way of saying that one is stupid. Certainly much nicer than calling someone a fuckwit, anyway.

"You dufus! Click the Print button if you wanna print, not the Close button!"

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005

bilbo

For whatever reason, a bilbo became the name given to an individual who wasn't given much chance of survival during games of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. For added humililation, the name was pronounced in a low voice with the emphasis on the O. Also used to designate an NPC who was clearly about to die in a poorly disguised plot twist.

"Oi, Bilbo! Just pop your head around that door and tell us if any orcs are there... oh, he's been shot in the head."

by Mr Ben April 22, 2005

Rat's Moustache

A stupid single line of facial hair between the bottom of the nose and the top lip. So thin as to be completely pointless. Makes wearer look very shifty and/or a pervert.

"When will you shave off that bloody Rat's Moustache?"

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

chunk monster

An individual who is somewhat large in size, due to a perceived excess of food and/or alcohol consumption. An insult.

"Look out, here comes the chunk monster!"

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005