Central Intelligence Agency. While the FBI handles domestic affairs and the ATF burns people in Waco, the CIA works overseas. Their job is similar to KGB, MI6, NSA, and Mossad.
But unlike Mossad, the CIA is one of the most fuckup-prone "intelligence" agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge fucking mess.
Story # 1: Iran and the Shah
The nation of Iran after world war 2 was doing fine. There was a moderate, elected president running the country. There was money. There was peace. But he was officialy a socialist according to the CIA so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. This of course pissed the Iranians off, and in the 80's the Ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our embassy hostage for a year, and America's crisis in the middle east had officialy started.
Story #2: The Bay of Pigs
Fidel Castro is a communist. The CIA doesn't like commies in their 'hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 Cuban boat people who fled Cuba after having supported Castro's enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given Castro's revolution popular support. So one fine day, in a D-Day reenactment that would give any WW2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called "Bay of Pigs." The few US airplanes supporting the assault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ashore and held out for a while before one of the worst mass surenders in us military history
Following this were many attempts to kill Fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be KGB), etc. Castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 US presidents and Che.
Story #3: Nicaragua
What do you think when you hear the word "nun?" If you're thinking "Danger, must destroy" you'd make a good CIA agent. In Nicaragua during the 80's Contras(our guys) were fighting the Sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of Nuns that went around in war-torn Sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. They couldn't go to the Contra villages, you see, because the Sandinistas controlled the country. But no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of US-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. Another little episode was the murder of Bishop Oscar Romero while he was saying mass on Easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.
Story # 4: Panama
The dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, was a CIA agent and smalltime drug dealer. Long story made short: We come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.
Story # 5: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Without a doubt the BIGGEST fuckup since
Story # 6: The Vietnam War
But unlike Mossad, the CIA is one of the most fuckup-prone "intelligence" agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge fucking mess.
Story # 1: Iran and the Shah
The nation of Iran after world war 2 was doing fine. There was a moderate, elected president running the country. There was money. There was peace. But he was officialy a socialist according to the CIA so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. This of course pissed the Iranians off, and in the 80's the Ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our embassy hostage for a year, and America's crisis in the middle east had officialy started.
Story #2: The Bay of Pigs
Fidel Castro is a communist. The CIA doesn't like commies in their 'hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 Cuban boat people who fled Cuba after having supported Castro's enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given Castro's revolution popular support. So one fine day, in a D-Day reenactment that would give any WW2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called "Bay of Pigs." The few US airplanes supporting the assault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ashore and held out for a while before one of the worst mass surenders in us military history
Following this were many attempts to kill Fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be KGB), etc. Castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 US presidents and Che.
Story #3: Nicaragua
What do you think when you hear the word "nun?" If you're thinking "Danger, must destroy" you'd make a good CIA agent. In Nicaragua during the 80's Contras(our guys) were fighting the Sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of Nuns that went around in war-torn Sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. They couldn't go to the Contra villages, you see, because the Sandinistas controlled the country. But no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of US-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. Another little episode was the murder of Bishop Oscar Romero while he was saying mass on Easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.
Story # 4: Panama
The dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, was a CIA agent and smalltime drug dealer. Long story made short: We come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.
Story # 5: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Without a doubt the BIGGEST fuckup since
Story # 6: The Vietnam War
The CIA is actively working to protect you from nuns and bishops and far away countries you didn't know existed with scary names day and night.
The second worst federal agency after fema.
The second worst federal agency after fema.
by king of canada August 05, 2006
Get the ciamug. the entire media... Oh, wait, my bad, I forgot about:
Fox "News"
95% of talk radio stations
the Wall Street Journal
the New York Post
Anything Rupert Murdoch has touched
Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
the 700 Club
Ann Coulter
Bill O'Reily
Fox "News"
95% of talk radio stations
the Wall Street Journal
the New York Post
Anything Rupert Murdoch has touched
Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
the 700 Club
Ann Coulter
Bill O'Reily
by king of canada July 28, 2006
Get the liberal mediamug. by king of canada June 19, 2006
Get the nilfmug. by king of canada September 19, 2006
Get the steve irwinmug. All right, I'm just gonna show what big hypocrites everyone else on this definition are.
Thank you for your useless information. Now, what do you think of Kurt Cobain? Yes, whether you like it or not, Kurt was technically a celebrity. He certainly was rich enough to fit into the "1% controlling 90% of the money" category. Or Mick Jagger? He still is a celebrity. Yes, for every mick there is a paris. Yes, the celbrity-stalking tabloids are incredibly stupid. That's why their average reader has an IQ of 21, but still, think before you post, children.
Thank you for your useless information. Now, what do you think of Kurt Cobain? Yes, whether you like it or not, Kurt was technically a celebrity. He certainly was rich enough to fit into the "1% controlling 90% of the money" category. Or Mick Jagger? He still is a celebrity. Yes, for every mick there is a paris. Yes, the celbrity-stalking tabloids are incredibly stupid. That's why their average reader has an IQ of 21, but still, think before you post, children.
Lets see, I don't have anything to do, so I'll post a definition of "celebrity" that is identical to 20 other peoples', and then I will b e happy. Yay!
by king of canada September 30, 2006
Get the celebritymug. One of the worlds most beautiful cities that came close to destruction during the tragic Balkan War, the event we have to thank for the term ethnic cleansing. Sarajevo was home to all ethnic groups in Yugoslavia: Catholic Croatians, Protestant Serbs, and Muslim Bosnians. Then Serb nationalists started a war with the Bosnians, and also got the Croatians caught up in it. The city of Bosnia remained ethnically diverse, with many Serbs choosing to defend it alongside Bosnians, but relations have been strained by Serb war crimes (slaughtering thousands of unarmed civilians in the largest mass murder since the Holocaust) and Bosnian war crimes (burning of Churches, excecution of all Croatian and Serbian POWs). The city is being rebuilt, and has come a long way. Everyone should go there sometime.
Sarajevo is once again one of the greatest cities in Europe. It's got everything: sights, good hotels, good food, good booze, beautiful women, and friendly people. It's coming back. Hopefuly New Orleans can do the same.
by king of canada September 09, 2006
Get the sarajevomug. by king of canada May 23, 2006
Get the love gunmug.