HMB's definitions
A "stealth bust" or "undercover bust". This describes the delightful surprise you get when a woman's breasts appear to be average or small when she's normally dressed, but then actually turn out to be unexpectedly large when she's naked. Also known as an "FBI visit", "CIA doorknock", or "Mossad strike" (or indeed any organization known to be stealthy... so not the NYPD, presumably).
AC (who is female): So, Bing, how did your date with that hot Indonesian chick go?
HMB (who is male): I'm still dazed.
AC: What happened?
HMB: Well, we caught a movie and then had dinner. After a glass of wine she asked to see my apartment, so I took her back. And you'd never believe it, but when I got her bra off, they almost poked my eyes out!
AC: Dear me. A police sting?
HMB: Aye.
AC: Get out! She looks so petite and slender!
HMB: You've got that right. She's the last person I'd have suspected of smuggling grapefruits. But hot damn! It was like dead heat in a zeppelin race in there.
AC: How big are they?
HMB: I'm guessing about 1.7 to 2.1 British Standard Handfuls. Not sure though. I might have to go back for more testing.
AC: Yes. Do that. Now.
HMB (who is male): I'm still dazed.
AC: What happened?
HMB: Well, we caught a movie and then had dinner. After a glass of wine she asked to see my apartment, so I took her back. And you'd never believe it, but when I got her bra off, they almost poked my eyes out!
AC: Dear me. A police sting?
HMB: Aye.
AC: Get out! She looks so petite and slender!
HMB: You've got that right. She's the last person I'd have suspected of smuggling grapefruits. But hot damn! It was like dead heat in a zeppelin race in there.
AC: How big are they?
HMB: I'm guessing about 1.7 to 2.1 British Standard Handfuls. Not sure though. I might have to go back for more testing.
AC: Yes. Do that. Now.
by HMB October 21, 2006
Get the police sting mug.A slang term used in the prostitution trade to describe a transsexual or transvestite hooker (who are often called "Transformers"), especially one who is so convincing as a woman that friends and clients do not believe she was once a man.
by HMB April 28, 2005
Get the decepticon mug.A play on the term decepticon. In the prostitution industry, "transformer" means transvestite/transsexual, and "decepticon" means any very convincing transvestite/transsexual.
An "e-cepticon" is an online version, especially a female buddy or penpal whom you have known for many years, and who turns out (despite all evidence to tbe contrary) to actually be male.
An "e-cepticon" is an online version, especially a female buddy or penpal whom you have known for many years, and who turns out (despite all evidence to tbe contrary) to actually be male.
HMB: I've been using this female username on this public game-related bulletin board for five years now, and people are pretty convinced I'm a woman, especially because I update the avatar occasionally with an female friend's picture. But, it's getting harder and harder to talk her into posing for avatar pics these days. I may just have to drop the whole charade and admit she was an e-cepticon.
by HMB April 28, 2005
Get the e-cepticon mug.This describes the phenomenon that people sitting in a plane will get smellier and more repulwsive than people doing a similar amount of sitting at home or at work. Regardless of how short or long your flight is, merely being seated in an airplane means your ass will stink, for several reasons.
Firstly the air pressure differential after take off means that air pockets of intestinal gas will be higher pressure and more likely to force themselves out of your chocolate barking spider.
Secondly, consider the smell of every other traveller that has sat in the same seat, warming the same cushion with the same intestinal gases and sweat, and dealing with the everpresent background noise and stress of air travel, while a crappy movie plays on a screen too small to see and which is blocked anyway by other passengers getting up, sitting down, or just hanging like douchebag fuckwits in the aisle talking to their colleagues because they think that air travel is FUN.
Meanwhile the stewardesses are busy standing in the rear gantry leaning against the snack boxes (which now cost $5 extra each just to buy) with their legs open and their panties around one ankle getting shagged from behind by the stewards, and the pilots are busy smoking weed as the airport handlers break the locks on your luggage down below to steal your souvenirs and computers, under broad security rights bestowed by the TSA federal agency while the lone fat greasy headed steward who can't get any female flight attendant to part her Pink Sea for him is taking out his frustrations by forcing people to move out of Economy-Plus seating (which costs you $75 more at the check-in counter than regular Economy for an extra 5 cm. of legroom) regardless of the fact that once the plane takes off the people will just fucking move back in because airport security can't board a moving plane, fuckwits.
This combination of low air pressure, substandard treatment, and superstandard psychological pressure results in larger than usual pockets of intestinal gas forcing themselves out of your anus and warming the fabric around your fundament.
This also means that ANY TIME A PASSENGER GETS OUT OF THEIR SEAT, their ass comes up to the same level as the seated passengers' faces. This is especially notable when the first over-caffeinated passenger jumps out of his seat at the end of a flight to grab his carry on luggage so he can be the first to wait in a completely stationary line to disembark, and you're still seated, and his ass wafts a foul stench your way that makes your eyes water.
Possibly a contributing factor to air rage.
Firstly the air pressure differential after take off means that air pockets of intestinal gas will be higher pressure and more likely to force themselves out of your chocolate barking spider.
Secondly, consider the smell of every other traveller that has sat in the same seat, warming the same cushion with the same intestinal gases and sweat, and dealing with the everpresent background noise and stress of air travel, while a crappy movie plays on a screen too small to see and which is blocked anyway by other passengers getting up, sitting down, or just hanging like douchebag fuckwits in the aisle talking to their colleagues because they think that air travel is FUN.
Meanwhile the stewardesses are busy standing in the rear gantry leaning against the snack boxes (which now cost $5 extra each just to buy) with their legs open and their panties around one ankle getting shagged from behind by the stewards, and the pilots are busy smoking weed as the airport handlers break the locks on your luggage down below to steal your souvenirs and computers, under broad security rights bestowed by the TSA federal agency while the lone fat greasy headed steward who can't get any female flight attendant to part her Pink Sea for him is taking out his frustrations by forcing people to move out of Economy-Plus seating (which costs you $75 more at the check-in counter than regular Economy for an extra 5 cm. of legroom) regardless of the fact that once the plane takes off the people will just fucking move back in because airport security can't board a moving plane, fuckwits.
This combination of low air pressure, substandard treatment, and superstandard psychological pressure results in larger than usual pockets of intestinal gas forcing themselves out of your anus and warming the fabric around your fundament.
This also means that ANY TIME A PASSENGER GETS OUT OF THEIR SEAT, their ass comes up to the same level as the seated passengers' faces. This is especially notable when the first over-caffeinated passenger jumps out of his seat at the end of a flight to grab his carry on luggage so he can be the first to wait in a completely stationary line to disembark, and you're still seated, and his ass wafts a foul stench your way that makes your eyes water.
Possibly a contributing factor to air rage.
16-B: What do you think of that chick in 14-D?
16-C: Hmm. Looks kinda tired.
16-B: She's got a sweet ass. And I think I saw her get into the toilets with a pink dildo. I think I'm gonna jerk off on her face.
16-C: Yeah, but she walked past me just now and I got a faceful of grade-A fetid rancid eyewatering airplane ass.
16-B: Eurgh. Okay. Never mind. (goes back to doing crossword puzzle)
16-C: Hmm. Looks kinda tired.
16-B: She's got a sweet ass. And I think I saw her get into the toilets with a pink dildo. I think I'm gonna jerk off on her face.
16-C: Yeah, but she walked past me just now and I got a faceful of grade-A fetid rancid eyewatering airplane ass.
16-B: Eurgh. Okay. Never mind. (goes back to doing crossword puzzle)
by HMB January 13, 2007
Get the airplane ass mug.A German word meaning "both yes and no". Derives from the German "ja" for yes, and "nein" for no. Rhymes with "shine". This usually is said in response to a question that appears to be a yes/no question but on later consideration is actually more complicated than that.
HMB: I hear in Germany they sell alcoholic beverages by the liter instead of by the pint. I'll bet that's a much better way to enjoy yourself.
Dagmar (perplexed and pondering): Jein. Actually it is not being that simple, for the price of a glass of beer is higher than elsewhere, also it is harder to pace yourself... but I understand that time is rare so I must shrug it off.
HMB: LOL and ROLFMAO at your awesome German transliterations! "Time is rare"! You German girls are so cool! (Nuffles Dagmar.)
Dagmar (bewildered): ...does not compute...
Dagmar (perplexed and pondering): Jein. Actually it is not being that simple, for the price of a glass of beer is higher than elsewhere, also it is harder to pace yourself... but I understand that time is rare so I must shrug it off.
HMB: LOL and ROLFMAO at your awesome German transliterations! "Time is rare"! You German girls are so cool! (Nuffles Dagmar.)
Dagmar (bewildered): ...does not compute...
by HMB November 25, 2006
Get the jein mug.Masturbating a woman or girl to orgasm. This takes its name from the "flicking" motion of the middle finger when you are using a wheelmouse and trying to scroll down through a lot of text. In masturbation the action is almost exactly the same, except that the mouse wheel is replaced by your lucky lady's clit.
Also, I've noticed that the sound produced is completely different.
A similar computer/sex term is "double clicking on the mouse" which also means female masturbation.
Also, I've noticed that the sound produced is completely different.
A similar computer/sex term is "double clicking on the mouse" which also means female masturbation.
HMB (who is male): So, AC, what did you do all day today?
AC (who is female): You would not believe. I found a kick-ass .zip of photochopped fake Johnny Depp porn. It was a really big file, too. I had to spend almost two hours rolling the mouse wheel just to get through it.
HMB: Dear me. Airing the orchid?
AC: You bet. I got my daily musical practice of playing the upside down piano.
HMB: Feeding oats to the pony?
AC: Tickling the toothless gibbon.
HMB: Typing in the gussets.
AC: Paddling the pink canoe until it leaks.
HMB: Finger painting the ham sandwich.
AC: Stirring the mixing bowl.
HMB: Petting the cat.
AC: Fingering the bald suspect.
HMB: ... So, um, can I borrow that .zip file? ... For, erm, personal reasons...
AC: !
AC (who is female): You would not believe. I found a kick-ass .zip of photochopped fake Johnny Depp porn. It was a really big file, too. I had to spend almost two hours rolling the mouse wheel just to get through it.
HMB: Dear me. Airing the orchid?
AC: You bet. I got my daily musical practice of playing the upside down piano.
HMB: Feeding oats to the pony?
AC: Tickling the toothless gibbon.
HMB: Typing in the gussets.
AC: Paddling the pink canoe until it leaks.
HMB: Finger painting the ham sandwich.
AC: Stirring the mixing bowl.
HMB: Petting the cat.
AC: Fingering the bald suspect.
HMB: ... So, um, can I borrow that .zip file? ... For, erm, personal reasons...
AC: !
by HMB December 9, 2006
Get the rolling the mouse wheel mug.Shorthand for "Hitler's moustache". This describes a woman's pubic hair when she has shaved almost all of it off, leaving only a thin strip of hair covering her vulva.
So named for its similarity to Adolf Hitler's moustache, which was threefold:
a) It was also narrow and dark.
b) It also "lay above the lips".
c) It can move hypnotically, with a strange effect on the weak-minded.
So named for its similarity to Adolf Hitler's moustache, which was threefold:
a) It was also narrow and dark.
b) It also "lay above the lips".
c) It can move hypnotically, with a strange effect on the weak-minded.
I asked my first girlfriend if she would shave her beaver, and it turns out she was a member of PETA so I ended up getting slapped.
Then I asked my second girlfriend if she would shave her Map of Tasmania, and it turns out she was an Australian Aborigine so she cut me with a flint-knapped knife.
Last night I asked my third girlfriend to shave her Hitler tash, and she looked at me and said "I'm Jewish".
If the Mossad come looking for me, I'm not at home, okay?
Then I asked my second girlfriend if she would shave her Map of Tasmania, and it turns out she was an Australian Aborigine so she cut me with a flint-knapped knife.
Last night I asked my third girlfriend to shave her Hitler tash, and she looked at me and said "I'm Jewish".
If the Mossad come looking for me, I'm not at home, okay?
by HMB December 28, 2008
Get the Hitler tash mug.