Failurebitch's definitions

Cocomelon

Next to porn and horror movies, Cocomelon is one of the absolute worst things to let your child watch.

Things you will notice in your kid if you let them watch Cocomelon:

1. An increase in tantrums.
2. Delays in mental development.
3. Withdraw symptoms similar to what a smoker might go through mentally when trying to quit smoking if the child goes for a certain amount of time without watching it.
4. Verbal impairment.

Yeh, I babysat a little girl who watched Cocomelon, and I could hardly understand anything she'd try to say. I'm not being mean when I say she needs to stop watching Cocomelon and begin going to speech therapy so people can understand her. Fuck Cocomelon!

by Failurebitch July 11, 2023

Halloween

A kick ass holiday that's a ton of fun. People of all ages enjoy it and celebrate it unless they're lame or a scaredy cat.

Festivities usually kick off around 5:30 pm, which is when most adults get home from work if it's a weekday, and usually last until the early hours of the following morning unless the following morning is a weekday, in which case the festivities will end at midnight so working adults and school aged children can get some sleep. Costumes or festive t-shirts are normally worn, houses are decorated with an assortment of items designed to be scary, candy is passed out to children between the ages of 0 to 18, and alcohol is consumed en masse by teens and adults. Parties, pranks, and crime are commonplace depending on where you live. If dealing with people isn't your thing, just pour yourself something strong and watch a scary movie.

Common Halloween costumes:

Ghosts
Witches
Vampires
Zombies
Mummies
Skeletons
Werewolves
Jason Voorhees
Ghostface
Freddy Kruger
Micheal Myers
Leatherface

Yeah, my boyfriend is dressing up as Dracula for Halloween, so I'm going to dress up as a vampire bride.

by Failurebitch June 22, 2023

Disney

It used to be the best family-friendly film/TV show production company, but around the mid-2010s, it began it's downward spiral into wokeness and remaking woke live-action versions of the original movies that cut out major characters (like the live action Mulan. No Mushu or Cricket to be found). It got WAY worse after the pandemic, and now they're releasing a woke version of Snow White where Snow White is an average looking girl and the Queen is more attractive than the person she's supposed to be jealous of.

Disney seems to be Hellbent on destroying itself at this point. The new Snow White movie that has a bitchy actress playing the leading roll is probably going to push Disney over the edge. Walt Disney is probably causing earthquakes with how much he's turning in his grave. I'm done with the company. When I go to Orlando in the future, I'm going to Univeral so I can hang out with Count Dracula instead.

by Failurebitch March 7, 2025

Wine

A sacred gift from God Himself. It comes on a variety of flavors and sweetnesses. It's usually made from grapes, but can be made with other fruits like raspberries, strawberries, cherries, apples, peaches, pears, ect. There's even wines made from a vegetable called rhubarb. Many wineries mix/match fruits to make the perfect flavors, and many have seasonal flavors for different holidays.

Man, St. Julian's has a really good red wine that's super cheap and easy to get drunk off of. One bottle of my favorite wine, and I'm fucked up.

by Failurebitch February 21, 2025

Valentine's Day

The shittiest day of the year for me. People say that I'm beautiful all the time but how can I be so beautiful and single at the same time? Do people just say that I'm pretty to make me feel better about myself? I've been single my whole life (elementary school relationships don't count). This is a day where single girls like me feel ugly for not having a boyfriend. It's a day of mourning my loneliness and the death of my cousin. I'm making it my tradition to go up to my room and cry on this day because of how horrible I feel.

Valentine's Day fucking sucks. My cousin died on that day in 2016 and many others in 2018. I'm making it a tradition to cry in my room alone every year that I'm single. Fuck Valentine's Day! Cupid is an inaccurate bastard! Cupid can suck my non-existent dick.

by Failurebitch February 1, 2019

Tick Tock Crocodile

A crocodile that swallowed a clock, and makes a tick-tock sound. Captain Hook is afraid of said crocodile.

(tick tocking noise)

Captain Hook: Shit! It's Tick Tock Crocodile!
Smee: Alright Mr. Crocodile, get out of here. Go on, shoo!!
Crocodile: (Crawls back into the water with a disappointed look on his face and swims away)

by Failurebitch June 23, 2023

Afroman

The FUNNIEST rapper to ever exist. He would shoot the shit with you while he smokes a joint and you sip on whatever alcoholic beverage you like if getting high isn't your thing.

If I met Afroman in real life, I'd give him a high five and direct him to the nearest weed dispensery. I don't smoke weed since I've never understood the hype behind drugs, but I'm sure Afroman would appreciate knowing where he can get some weed.

by Failurebitch June 4, 2025