Definitions by Dusty's Baby Powder
Hunk Suit
A black and white warm up suit shared by Ben and Liv Hatley. Most often worn by Ben when he rides on the Benmobile, but also shared by Liv when she does Tai Chi. The often put it on in the mornings when they get up so they can stretch themselves. So when you see it, look out, because Ben Hatley has got his Hunk Suit on!
Ben: (riding on the Benmobile) Hey, I better get my Hunk Suit on. We're gonna play some soccer today! I'd better burn off some of this goo.
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
Hunk Suit by Dusty's Baby Powder June 12, 2011
Hatleystretch
An exercise program created by Ben Hatley. Used as a warm up stretch before he does other things. His wife, Liv, often joins him as do his four grandkids, especially Nick. He often will spend hours doing these, much to Liv's dismay. This is one of the best warm up stretches you can do.
Ben: (groaning) Oh, I threw my back out. I should have done my Hatleystretch.
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
Hatleystretch by Dusty's Baby Powder June 11, 2011
Gunny Greens
An old army uniform that is now hard to wear. Often you can hardly fit into it and it often has to be squeezed shut. The most notable set of Gunny Greens belongs to MSGT/GYSGT Earl Pickles USA USMC Ret. His wife, Opal, can't believe he still has it.
Earl: Uh oh, its almost Veterans Day. I'd better whip out my old Gunny Greens. (laughs)I can't fit into these babies anymore, but I still love to wear them.
Ed: Gunny Greens? You know I've got a set of them, too. Back when the Army and Air Force were all one lump, I wore them. It was sweet!
Ben: (looking shocked) What are you two talking about? I've never heard of Gunny Greens. I never wore those.
Earl: (laughing again) Here, try these on. See what you think. (he hands the uniform to Ben) Its probably not gonna fit you, but you'll love it.
Ben: (squeezes himself into the uniform) Fits great! Can I keep this one?
Earl: Sure! You can keep this one. I've got tons more.
Opal: You are crazy! I can't believe you kept that thing! If the folks at Camp Swampy saw that, they would have a fit. Amos Halftrack would be rolling.
Earl: No, no. I can't part with this. That's my Gunny Greens, there. Who knows, I might get called back into the service someday. Me and that old suit have been through a lot. (salutes) TEN HUT! At ease!
Ed: Gunny Greens? You know I've got a set of them, too. Back when the Army and Air Force were all one lump, I wore them. It was sweet!
Ben: (looking shocked) What are you two talking about? I've never heard of Gunny Greens. I never wore those.
Earl: (laughing again) Here, try these on. See what you think. (he hands the uniform to Ben) Its probably not gonna fit you, but you'll love it.
Ben: (squeezes himself into the uniform) Fits great! Can I keep this one?
Earl: Sure! You can keep this one. I've got tons more.
Opal: You are crazy! I can't believe you kept that thing! If the folks at Camp Swampy saw that, they would have a fit. Amos Halftrack would be rolling.
Earl: No, no. I can't part with this. That's my Gunny Greens, there. Who knows, I might get called back into the service someday. Me and that old suit have been through a lot. (salutes) TEN HUT! At ease!
Gunny Greens by Dusty's Baby Powder June 7, 2011
Grannied
The act of spending all day with your grandma. Often Mother's Day, or some other special day. The word was coined on May 8, 2011 by Opal Crankshaft and said to her adopted grandson, Bryant.
Opal: (holding up two different color blouses up to Bryant) Which one should I wear? What do you think, purple or pink?
Bryant: Well, the purple looks good on you. Why not wear that? (suddenly realizes today is Mother's Day) Or wait, better yet, keep the robe! Let's get Grannied!!
Opal: Now you're talking. This is a perfect day to get Grannied. Its not every day I get to lounge around in my bathrobe.
Bryant: Yeah, you're right. This is a treat for you. Massages, spa treatments - you name it. Today is a perfect day for it!
Ramona: Hey, but what about me? Remember, honey, you used to have a big crush on me. Whatever happened to that?
Bryant: Hey Ma Garggle, long time no see! This is one of my other grandmas, Opal Crankshaft. (Ramona and Opal shake hands)
Bryant: How's Thorny and Hornet?
Brutus: We're fine. Gladdys couldn't be here. But I came down.
Bryant: Sweet! We go back quite a long way, all the way to 1996.
Brutus: Yeah, we lost touch there for a while. Who's this grandma you're talking about? Its not my mother-in-law, Ramona, is it?
Bryant: No. Brutus Thornapple; Opal Crankshaft. (Brutus and Opal shake hands).
Opal: Its a great day to get Grannied, huh? A couple of new friends that I've never met. One of my favorite grandsons. A great way to stay busy on Mother's Day! Doing nothing but r-e-l-a-x!!
Bryant: Well, the purple looks good on you. Why not wear that? (suddenly realizes today is Mother's Day) Or wait, better yet, keep the robe! Let's get Grannied!!
Opal: Now you're talking. This is a perfect day to get Grannied. Its not every day I get to lounge around in my bathrobe.
Bryant: Yeah, you're right. This is a treat for you. Massages, spa treatments - you name it. Today is a perfect day for it!
Ramona: Hey, but what about me? Remember, honey, you used to have a big crush on me. Whatever happened to that?
Bryant: Hey Ma Garggle, long time no see! This is one of my other grandmas, Opal Crankshaft. (Ramona and Opal shake hands)
Bryant: How's Thorny and Hornet?
Brutus: We're fine. Gladdys couldn't be here. But I came down.
Bryant: Sweet! We go back quite a long way, all the way to 1996.
Brutus: Yeah, we lost touch there for a while. Who's this grandma you're talking about? Its not my mother-in-law, Ramona, is it?
Bryant: No. Brutus Thornapple; Opal Crankshaft. (Brutus and Opal shake hands).
Opal: Its a great day to get Grannied, huh? A couple of new friends that I've never met. One of my favorite grandsons. A great way to stay busy on Mother's Day! Doing nothing but r-e-l-a-x!!
Grannied by Dusty's Baby Powder June 2, 2011
Stainyrobics
A hard, intense workout created by SFC Roger "Stainy" Staneglass, chaplain of Camp Swampy army base in North Carolina. He created this to help him stay in shape between church sermons. All his other solider friends often join him in this.
Stainy: Uh oh, its 0500. I better do my Stainyrobics. (starts stretching himself) Sweet Mary, its a great day!
Orville: (seeing Stainy) Hey Stainy, what are you doing? Is that some sort of weird church workout?
Stainy: No, its just my Stainyrobics. This is kinda crazy, but I love it. Why don't you join me?
Orville: Sure! (starts doing jumping jacks trying to warm himself up)
Amos: (sees Stainy and Orville exercising) Wow! They're doing PT and they didn't invite me! Well, they're gonna get it now. (screaming) TEN HUT! At ease. Can I join you guys?
Stainy: Sure! Here, try pumping this a few times. (he hands Amos a big wooden cross) Just make believe you're Jesus trying to carry it, only its too heavy.
Amos: Whoah! My biceps are burning. I bet Martha would have a freak-out if she saw us doing this! What a Mother's Day present, I'll go home with some burning Brigadier biceps!!
Orville: (seeing Stainy) Hey Stainy, what are you doing? Is that some sort of weird church workout?
Stainy: No, its just my Stainyrobics. This is kinda crazy, but I love it. Why don't you join me?
Orville: Sure! (starts doing jumping jacks trying to warm himself up)
Amos: (sees Stainy and Orville exercising) Wow! They're doing PT and they didn't invite me! Well, they're gonna get it now. (screaming) TEN HUT! At ease. Can I join you guys?
Stainy: Sure! Here, try pumping this a few times. (he hands Amos a big wooden cross) Just make believe you're Jesus trying to carry it, only its too heavy.
Amos: Whoah! My biceps are burning. I bet Martha would have a freak-out if she saw us doing this! What a Mother's Day present, I'll go home with some burning Brigadier biceps!!
Stainyrobics by Dusty's Baby Powder June 2, 2011
Sale Bat
A bat often brought to a sale by older women which is used to fight for a sale item. Usually done when another grandma tries to get the same sale item you wanted first. Sale Bats are also part of the pre-Christmas workout called 'Sale-R-cise', although it can be used at any time. The first known use of a Sale Bat was on April 27, 2011 when Beatrice and Paul Middleton were playing with one. You have to be careful not to get caught with it or else you will hear Mom yell very loudly.
Beatrice: Hey Wilson, want me to teach you how to use a Sale Bat?
Wilson: (stunned) Are you talking like a vandal? I don't know. What good will a Sale Bat do me? Are you trying to get me in trouble here?
Beatrice: No, this is how you use a Sale Bat. Its a whole lot of fun. What you do is you take it to the store and wait for an old granny like me to come and steal a sale item. Then here's the fun part: you clobber them with it. I mean, you really let 'em have it!
Bryant: Beatrice Elvira Mary Duke Middleton!! What in the world are you teaching him? To steal stuff? Oh my God! My own Gunny Granny, a common criminal!!
Beatrice: (laughing) Well, you want a piece of it! We could We could practice on Grandma Flo. It'd be fun. Then we could go to the store and try it out for real.
Morris: (really angry) Mom, I don't approve of this. You are NOT taking that ball bat to the store. I will not have it!
Beatrice: (starts swinging at Morris with the baseball bat) You want a piece of me, son? Do you?!! Pretend I'm at the store trying to steal something you want. I'm trying to give you all a lesson here. That's all this is.
Morris: Hey, that item was in my cart. Get away from it!! (grabs the bat and whacks Beatrice hard in the arm).
Beatrice: That's it! You've got it now! That's a Sale Bat. Every granny should keep one of these. Even a Gunny Granny like me.
Wilson: (stunned) Are you talking like a vandal? I don't know. What good will a Sale Bat do me? Are you trying to get me in trouble here?
Beatrice: No, this is how you use a Sale Bat. Its a whole lot of fun. What you do is you take it to the store and wait for an old granny like me to come and steal a sale item. Then here's the fun part: you clobber them with it. I mean, you really let 'em have it!
Bryant: Beatrice Elvira Mary Duke Middleton!! What in the world are you teaching him? To steal stuff? Oh my God! My own Gunny Granny, a common criminal!!
Beatrice: (laughing) Well, you want a piece of it! We could We could practice on Grandma Flo. It'd be fun. Then we could go to the store and try it out for real.
Morris: (really angry) Mom, I don't approve of this. You are NOT taking that ball bat to the store. I will not have it!
Beatrice: (starts swinging at Morris with the baseball bat) You want a piece of me, son? Do you?!! Pretend I'm at the store trying to steal something you want. I'm trying to give you all a lesson here. That's all this is.
Morris: Hey, that item was in my cart. Get away from it!! (grabs the bat and whacks Beatrice hard in the arm).
Beatrice: That's it! You've got it now! That's a Sale Bat. Every granny should keep one of these. Even a Gunny Granny like me.
Sale Bat by Dusty's Baby Powder May 21, 2011
Trackup
A push up invented by Amos Halftrack. Done not unlike a normal push up except with the aid of martini glasses which you push up off of. He often does them after a night of partying when he has been stone cold drunk. He also involves his wife, Martha Kate Rogers Halftrack.
Marty: Boy, these Trackups are hard! I don't know how you manage to do these.
Papa Amos: Well, they may be hard, but they work wonders on your arms. Feel this!! (he flexes his bicep and Marty crunches it)
Marty: Boy, that's one tough arm, there!
Papa Amos: That's from years of doing Trackups! Now, its not just any old push up. You've really gotta be in shape to do these babies. (takes a couple of martini glasses and does a trackup off of them to show her what he means)
Marty: Wow!! That's 78-year old bicep there!
Papa Amos: (bends down) Ten HUT! You aren't kidding there Little Missy! You may be my wife, but I'm gonna show you how we brigadier generals work out. (singing to the General Car Insurance theme) You want hard biceps all the time? Try doing Trackups, they're real fine!
Stainy: (comes running in with a Bloody Mary) Mind if I join you? I want to learn these too! (he quickly drinks his drink and sets the glass down on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here I'll show you how to do it. Give me that glass for a second. (he gets down on the floor and does another Trackup, which Stainy follows) See, its easy. All you do is push up off the martini glass. You can't do it close-handed or they'll break.
Stainy: Looks easy enough! Would they work on a 92-year old red fox like me?
Papa Amos: (starts laughing and jumping) Yeah, they sure would! You've already got the knack of how to do them. Hey, drop down and knock out 10 more for me. (blowing his whistle) Ten HUT!
Papa Amos: Well, they may be hard, but they work wonders on your arms. Feel this!! (he flexes his bicep and Marty crunches it)
Marty: Boy, that's one tough arm, there!
Papa Amos: That's from years of doing Trackups! Now, its not just any old push up. You've really gotta be in shape to do these babies. (takes a couple of martini glasses and does a trackup off of them to show her what he means)
Marty: Wow!! That's 78-year old bicep there!
Papa Amos: (bends down) Ten HUT! You aren't kidding there Little Missy! You may be my wife, but I'm gonna show you how we brigadier generals work out. (singing to the General Car Insurance theme) You want hard biceps all the time? Try doing Trackups, they're real fine!
Stainy: (comes running in with a Bloody Mary) Mind if I join you? I want to learn these too! (he quickly drinks his drink and sets the glass down on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here I'll show you how to do it. Give me that glass for a second. (he gets down on the floor and does another Trackup, which Stainy follows) See, its easy. All you do is push up off the martini glass. You can't do it close-handed or they'll break.
Stainy: Looks easy enough! Would they work on a 92-year old red fox like me?
Papa Amos: (starts laughing and jumping) Yeah, they sure would! You've already got the knack of how to do them. Hey, drop down and knock out 10 more for me. (blowing his whistle) Ten HUT!
Trackup by Dusty's Baby Powder May 21, 2011