A simp, but to a huge degree. Millennial or Zoomer who thinks he can nice guy his way into women’s pants, then gets all enraged when it doesn’t work because woman don’t actually like simps. The simpanzee is significantly worse than a simp in degree.
Look at my man buying his “best female friend” dinner again so he can not close with her. My man is a simpanzee.
by CPT Ron July 21, 2024
Get the Simpanzeemug. "Man...that dirt hippie is wearing camping pants with no underwear. Would you look at that weiner lump? It is a like a leather sack full of nickels."
by CPT Ron October 12, 2013
Get the weiner lumpmug. by CPT Ron October 07, 2019
Get the Exdubitablymug. A house on stilts is a woman with a massive torso connected to two spindly, spider-like legs. She is the human personification of Baba Yagga's hut. She has the legs of a marathon runner and the upper body of a big fat sloppy American woman.
"Man, Maria is a real house on stilts. Look at the size of that chick's tiny legs! How do her legs even hold up that much bulk?"
by CPT Ron October 12, 2013
Get the House on stiltsmug. Noun. When a person is so incredibly brilliant that they can do something like invent an Iphone, but they cannot do simple things like tie their shoes so they wear velcro sneakers. The man who invented the microprocessor is velcro shoes smart.
Dr. K figured out how to put RAM, all the registers, flash memory, and the CPU all into one microcontroller. He is velcro shoes smart.
by CPT Ron November 14, 2017
Get the Velcro Shoes Smartmug. A tool box with matching power douche accessories is the most egregious form of tool. If a tool is a common douche-bag, and a tool box is where tons of tools go, then a tool box with matching power douche accessories is the apex predator of douches.
This person would be the megalodon of douche, the Elvis of douchebaggery, or the Mount Everest of douche. In the SCUBA diving world this person would be the Andrea Doria of douche. In rock climbing, this person would be the 5.15a of douche. In cycling, this person would be the Tour De Douche, except that he would have both testicles. In Kalifornia, this person would be the Nancy Pelosi of douche. In the hand gun world, this person would be the Desert Eagle of douche...a douche that is completely unlike other douches to an almost comical, unnecessary degree.
HISTORY OF THE PHRASE:
Cliffy, a Sergeant in my unit in 3rd Infantry Division, referred to our commander (he who shall not be named) as a tool box with matching power douche accessories one time. We all instantly recognized the gravity of the phrase. Like the Tarrasque in Dungeons and Dragons, there can typically only be one tool box with matching power douche accessories in the world at any given point. According to legend, the tool box with matching power douche accessories may take on an apprentice tool box, and upon his death the apprentice will then gain the douche prowess of the then deceased tool box with matching power douche accessories.
This person would be the megalodon of douche, the Elvis of douchebaggery, or the Mount Everest of douche. In the SCUBA diving world this person would be the Andrea Doria of douche. In rock climbing, this person would be the 5.15a of douche. In cycling, this person would be the Tour De Douche, except that he would have both testicles. In Kalifornia, this person would be the Nancy Pelosi of douche. In the hand gun world, this person would be the Desert Eagle of douche...a douche that is completely unlike other douches to an almost comical, unnecessary degree.
HISTORY OF THE PHRASE:
Cliffy, a Sergeant in my unit in 3rd Infantry Division, referred to our commander (he who shall not be named) as a tool box with matching power douche accessories one time. We all instantly recognized the gravity of the phrase. Like the Tarrasque in Dungeons and Dragons, there can typically only be one tool box with matching power douche accessories in the world at any given point. According to legend, the tool box with matching power douche accessories may take on an apprentice tool box, and upon his death the apprentice will then gain the douche prowess of the then deceased tool box with matching power douche accessories.
"Man, our boss is the worse example of douchebaggery that I have ever witnessed in all my years in the military. He is a tool box with matching power douche accessories."
-Cliffy
-Cliffy
by CPT Ron April 30, 2013
Get the Tool box with matching power douche accessoriesmug. When you screw something up so badly in front of so many people, that you wish you were being pre-recorded on TV so you could ask the technical staff to literally "cut to commercial break." The cut to commercial break indicates that you have achieved an Xbox like screw up. If you were in a video game, the achievement "Worst thing you've done this year" would indicate below you on screen.
I had a savage, throbbing boner during my job interview yesterday. When I stood up, it kinked in my pants like a broken candy bar and I know the hiring manager saw it. I really wished I could have cut to commercial break. I could hear him telling his buddy I must be "fun sized" on the way out of the lobby.
by CPT Ron July 20, 2020
Get the Cut to Commercial Breakmug.