wooden spoon

The number one cause of disciplined children all over the world. (Though mainly of Portuguese descent) The wooden spoon is a dangerous weapon capable of ending the tantrum of even the most stubborn child.

No, mom! Not the wooden spoon! No I promise I won't throw anymore pipe bombs!

by CriticalDesign April 9, 2008

Wooden Spoon

A wooden spoon is a spoon that is used for stirring sauces and for mixing ingredients in cooking. It is made of wood and has a long handle. Not to be used to beat your children.

Person A: Man, my mom made some killer soup last night with a Wooden Spoon, and later used it to beat the shit out of me.
Person B: …That’s rough buddy.

by hydrateordiestraight January 2, 2022

wooden spoon

A situation where a man is spooning a woman, and suddenly has an erection, in effect poking her in her rear. This is more common in the morning hours and is usually involuntary: essentially popping morning wood while spooning.

Steph was unpleasantly surprised to be awakened by the wooden spoon.

by hack314 February 13, 2007

Wooden spoon

A person can be referred to as a "wooden spoon" when he or she makes it their mission to stir shit left, right and center, usually by spreading lies and false rumours about others.

John: Hey, you seem to be quite upset. What's going on?
Jane: I'm furious. My sister keeps telling lies about me and my boyfriend won't even talk to me.
John: Nah, don't worry about her. She's just a wooden spoon. She'll get what's coming for her when people realise the truth.

by Bluerain12ya November 25, 2016

wooden spoon

It is an erection ; or a boner. Usually a wooden spoon would be a pretty long erection, considering wooden spoons are usually about a foot long.

The boy popped a wooden spoon as he watched his neighbors have sex through their bedroom window.

by Ryan J G February 17, 2006

Wooden Spoon Award

A wooden spoon is a mock or real award, usually given to an individual or team which has come last in a competition, but sometimes also to runners-up. Examples range from the academic to sporting and more frivolous events. The term is of British origin and has spread to other Commonwealth countries.

I can't believe what a comeback they made they got the Wooden Spoon Award last year"

by Immersion September 28, 2011

Wooden Spoon Speed

Wooden Spoon Speed is the speed at which a child runs at while being persued by said childs enraged parent.

any person can run at wooden spoon speed.

after lil jonny broke the window, he ran at wooden spoon speed to hide under his bed.

by JehovahsWittnessProtectionUnit April 12, 2010