The Merchandise

Any “juicy” parcels of real estate, usually on a female, but can refer to both genders.

Girl, protesting a guy’s trying to feel her up: “Hey! Who said you could sample The Merchandise?!???”

The Merchandise by QuacksO November 26, 2011

Hands off the merchandise! 

Hands off the merchandise!

A protest/order uttered by one of either gender when someone else (usually of the opposite gender) wants to indulge in a little touchy-feely, but he’s not in the mood.

Weary girl (pushing her guy's "exploring" hand away from her boobs): Hey! Hands off the merchandise! I wanna go to sleep now!

Hands off the merchandise! by QuacksO November 28, 2011

hands off the merchandise! 

Basically "Don't touch my stuff, punk."

Person A: Dude, awesome iPod!! (reaches for iPod)

Person B: Hey buddy, hands off the merchandise!

hands off the merchandise! by underdawg November 10, 2008

handling the merchandise 

The act of masturbating in a grocery store while employing the merchandise to complete the act

"Clean up on aisle 3 in produce. Someone has been handling the merchandise and the avocados have been abused"

handling the merchandise by von groovy September 15, 2019

Watch the Merchandise 

What you say then someone touches you aggressively or without consent. Not necessarily in a sexual manner.

Cop~Come on buddy *grabs arm* You're going to do some time.
Suspect~Hey watch the merchandise!

Watch the Merchandise by Miss Potato Head September 12, 2010

Check the merchandise 

To have sexual intercourse.

Come on girl. Quit playing and let me check the merchandise.

Check the merchandise by DiABLO_32 August 30, 2012

Easy on the merchandise 

It is said when something or someone is being touched abruptly or handled harshly.

Cop: "You're under arrest!"*handcuffs suspect and pushes him into the back seat*
Suspect: "Hey man, easy on the merchandise."

*Person 1 hugs Person 2 suddently*
Person 2: "Haha, easy on the merchandise."
Person 1: *sarcastically* "Shut up."

*Tourist picks up glass sculpture with little care*
Shopkeeper: "Hey! Easy on the merchandise, kid."
Tourist: "Sorry, no hablo chino."

Easy on the merchandise by funny_occasionally January 18, 2018