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A nightmarish, coded, machine-read Naval message that is supposed to be a real-time methodology for reporting overall operational readiness to a vindictive and hateful computer in Washington D.C. that seizes upon a single minute error and then flames your commanding officer who then shits in your garrison hat.
I'd rather be in charge of the Combined Federal Campaign at the Norfolk Naval Brig and have a bleeding prostate the size of grapefruit than be the SORTS officer.
SORTS by harry flashman July 10, 2003
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of sorts 

is a fixed idiom, meaning that something resembles something else, or fulfills its function, but isn't really that thing.

in some respects but not entirely or truly
1.He's a celebrity of sorts in our town.

means that he is known well in our town but does not have the status of a true celebrity.

2.Her house is a museum of sorts

mean that she has quite a collection of things in her house but she doesn't have public hours or an admission fee, for example.
of sorts by hanyahmedezz March 22, 2011

all sorts of fucked 

akin to royally screwed. Means to be in a most unfavorable predicament.
After wrecking the car, there was no doubt in his mind that he was all sorts of fucked.
all sorts of fucked by Matt Stephens December 29, 2002

out of sorts 

a) to be out of sorts means in an unhappy mood;
b) To be slightly ill or slightly unhappy.

Related vocabulary: get up on the wrong side of (the) bed
a) "He was feeling a little tired and sore and out of sorts".

b) "I've been feeling tired and headachy and generally out of sorts".
out of sorts by Lewiosa January 19, 2014

All Sorts of Mixed Nuts

A phrase used to describe a mentally unsound or flat-out crazy individual.
Steve: "Did you watch the GOP debate last night?"
Joe: "Oh yeah, Michele Bachmann is all sorts of mixed nuts."

All sorts of fucked up 

When someone is intoxicated to the extreme. Can be off alcohol, weed, other drugs, or a combination of any of them.
Dude, I had 15 beers then hit the bong so hard. I was all sorts of fucked up.

all sorts of 

very much so, something to a high degree.
What a long day. I'm all sorts of tired.
all sorts of by nerdylaura October 25, 2006