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one downer 

An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much less interesting or boring corresponding story. (Note: The story will be much longer than you could ever imagine or want)
Person: Last summer I went to Thailand and rode on an elephant.
One Downer: Last summer I rode my horse in my backyard while my brother watched. My brother also rode the horse. then we went inside my house and had a sandwich.
one downer by Beatreese October 11, 2009

one-upper downer 

(n.) Someone who tries constantly to out-do your bad personal experiences with their own bad stories, which in their eyes, is always worse.
Me: Oh man, I just had the worst day at work! I got fired...

Tim: Oh, sorry about that. Mine wasn't too much better. I forgot to save a really long document before shutting down my computer. Such a bad day!
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Tim's a clear one-upper downer
one-upper downer by The Communicator November 11, 2009

Hampshire Doner One Biscuit

The act of jizzing on a doner and splitting it with a mate while farting on the doner to cool it down. After that, you and your fellow mate proceed to shove it up any hole you can find down there. The next day, you will find you cant take a shit, so you go back to your mate and help each other get the stuck soggy doner out.
I think im gonna pull a Hampshire Doner One Biscuit on Emir