newspaper

A homeless person's blanket.

Tyrone prefers the LA Times newspaper to the Daily News newspaper to keep himself warm at night.

by 47 August 16, 2006

newspaper

An instrument aiding the execution of the common house fly.

damnit its another fucking fly ruining my general eating experience, here pass me that newspaper...*big chase ensues* WHAP... damn straight its dead.*picks smeared remains up off cupboard door*

by Sir Slinky July 14, 2006

newspaper

1. A pastime for people while taking a shit.

2. To read the newspaper is a euphemism for taking a shit.

Oh crap...hold on, guys, I gotta go read the newspaper.

*toilet water splashes*

by KGtheKid April 19, 2007

newspaper

A publication that an attractive woman under the age of 40 does not read.

Hot chicks don't read the newspaper; unless they're looking at the Macy's ad.

by Bozo123 September 11, 2005

Newspaper

A pre-internet (i.e. ancient) current affairs blog that featured spell check and editorial standards. Occasionally they might run issues (postings for those who are not fluent in grandpa speak) featuring commentary and reactions by people who might write in complete sentences and direct their statements to something called an editor (this word is not available in Webster's .8).

"Hey man, check out the low res images they have on this free tablet they are giving out at the bus stop."
"Dude, its stuck on this one program. It might be broken"
"Wait, I think this is one of those things my dad keep telling me about...you know, a newspaper."
"Woooa."

by helios1014 November 2, 2013

newspapering

The act of laying lots of newspapers in a persons yard at night while they are sleeping.

Stan "Hey man do you want to go newspapering?"
Kyle "Dude what the hell is that?"
Stan "Its like tping but with newspapers."

by Scipio Nightfire October 31, 2010

Rusty Newspaper

The "Rusty Newspaper" is an act used to describe the actions of a man when he wipes his ass with the front page of the London Times then proceeds to fax the page to his wife when she arrives at work.

Husband- "Did you recieve the paper via fax at work this morning honey?"
Wife- "I did, it seems you've delievered me a "Rusty Newspaper". What for?"
Husband- "You burnt the coffee again this morning you F**king C**t, thats what you get."
Wife- "I hope you at least cleaned the shit off the fax machine".

by Uncle Ty October 15, 2012