Rusty Newspaper

The "Rusty Newspaper" is an act used to describe the actions of a man when he wipes his ass with the front page of the London Times then proceeds to fax the page to his wife when she arrives at work.

Husband- "Did you recieve the paper via fax at work this morning honey?"
Wife- "I did, it seems you've delievered me a "Rusty Newspaper". What for?"
Husband- "You burnt the coffee again this morning you F**king C**t, thats what you get."
Wife- "I hope you at least cleaned the shit off the fax machine".

by Uncle Ty October 16, 2012

newspaper head

Someone who sits with a newspaper in front of their head instead of paying attention to the suroundings.

"hey dude check out that newspaper head over there"

by JD dudemaster March 6, 2010

Polish Newspaper

Oral Sex performed onto someone while they are on the toilet.

Bobby was drunk last night so Tina gave him a polish newspaper he'd never forget.

by Clump Chlumpkins November 7, 2013

Newspaper Carrier

Person who gets up at o-dark-thirty and throws newspapers out of a car while driving in circles. Cranky until sleep is had.

Please, tip your newspaper carrier!

by Apryle August 24, 2008

Newspaper Jockey

A streetside newspaper vending machine.

Bryon tried to hurdle the newspaper jockey last night when he left the bar.

by Gard May 11, 2007

newspaper condom

The plastic bag that your newspaper is delivered in, usually in times of inclement weather.

Mary saw it was raining outside and exclaimed, "Oh fuck! My newspaper is going to be ruined." However when she retrieved her paper, she noticed that the delievery boy had wrapped it in 2 newspaper condoms, keeping the paper dry and readable!

by Wordmaster Adam April 12, 2013

newspaper job

Spending a prolonged amount of time in the bathroom taking a shit. Called a "newspaper job" because one commonly takes the paper along with them to read as they sit on the toilet

I ate so much for lunch that I know I'll have to do a newspaper job this afternoon.

by Libertine October 4, 2005