A few weeks ago, I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was accidentally reducing my trailer
van into mere atoms with a tree branch. In panic, I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was blaming the act on my
cat because I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, an individual individually pursuing the individual goal of individually assisting individuals in achieving individuality named Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was wishing to avoid hurting my reputation. Soon, my
cat was in jail and being investigated by the CIA. I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was concerned for my
cat and wondering if he (named Michael) would be alright, because, as it turns out, my
cat Michael is a rare
type of
cat that is actually a human. Michael’s last name is
Scott. Yes, I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was owning the
man from
popular comedy show “The Office”, as the show was deeply tied to my childhood (specifically the part of my childhood where I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, had yet to be born) on a superficial level. I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was relatively certain that my
cat was going to be deported to a third-world Central American country and was being imprisoned there, perhaps being forced to do labor (unpaid). I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was worried about losing my unpaid laborer to different unpaid labor, and I, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was panicking and fearful for my
cat’s safety.